How hard it is to be a parent

I bet you hear that all the time. In truth, I despise people who constantly talk about the trials and tribulations of parenthood, as if they already qualified for "Mom/Dad of the Year" award. You aren't the first person to deal with sleep deprivation, sore nipples, guilt over working too long....

The past few weeks have really pushed the parent issue with me. I had only 65% resolved that I would not have any more children. I think that a few experiences I have had lately may have put me into the 75-85% resolved bracket.

Today I was the one responsible for "teaching a lesson". I distinctly remember my own parents having had taught me this lesson, and how horrible it was. I now have a yucky taste in the bottom of my throat, and an incredible desire to get drunk.

My daughter is very much like me. When I was a little kid, I was a strange combination of non-stop talking, demonstrativeness, and insecurity. I was always afraid my friends were going to go away, and I picked up skills that I felt help me reassure and coax others. I embraced the power of present-giving, and tried to make everyone happy around me. I assume this is some symptom of my dysfunctional family. I was the caregiver because everyone else was so busy destroying themselves.


My daughter has spent all weekend with a boy slightly younger. He is a very different creature. Although he is defiant and willful, as my daughter can be, he is solely interested in his own self-interests. Very little of his time is involved with empathy, worrying about others, or caring how his own actions seem to others.

I know, I know... children only pick up the skills of empathy at about 3 or 4. I am just slightly uncomfortable around anyone who exhibits that kind of egotism. I have spent way to0 much time around true egotists, and instead of it going away, they just learned to fake it and hide it. You meet them every day...the person who asks you questions about yourself, and cares absolutely nothing for what you have to say. They just learned the mockery of social graces, not the purity of being a caring, empathetic person.

My daughter gave this little boy one of her toy dogs, because he had been throwing a fit about it for the past 18 hours or so. He basically pouted and treated her badly, even while they were playing unrelated games, because she wouldn't "give" him the dog. So she gave in, and gave it to him.

Then, when he was leaving, she asked for her toys back. He gave back all of the toys except the dog. When I asked, I was told she had given the toy to him.

To make a long story short, I felt she needed to learn that she couldn't
"pretend" when it came to giving her things away. I couldn't ask for the toy back in good conscience - it was rightfully his despite his mediocre behavior.

She cried and cried and cried. I felt horrible. Everything about it reminded me of my own lesson from childhood - once you give something away, you can't ask for it back. I remember being horribly upset. Now I had to watch my daughter in my footsteps.

Call me a coward. I don't want to repeat these lessons for the benefit of having my own progeny. I may just be done.