START SURFING, DAMMIT! CHRISTOPHER WALKEN FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

You people need to go see the sights I see, and then you can walk in my shoes.

Do you ever feel like your sense of humor is off kilter and absolutely insane? You laugh aloud, and nobody else around laughs?

That's because they suck, and you are truly funny. I promise.

Anyway, I found a couple of sites that are worth mention. Because I'm lazy, I can't figure out how to link to other sites on a toolbar on my blog. So you have to read my shi#, yo.

1. www.petsinuniform.com.

" So we all feel for our men and women in uniform, but what about our pets? The cats and dogs put on a uniform everyday and protect this great nation against prowlers and the mailman are to be commended."

2. http://www.walken2008.com/index.html

Christopher Walken for President - 2008.

"To: Friends, Family, and my fellow Americans

Subject: Get America Back On Track!

It's not too early to be thinking about the future of this country and who's going to lead it. Election after election we're given the "choice" between two unappealing candidates and have no choice but to vote for the one we dislike less. But now, that's about to change.

Stepping up to the forefront of politics is a new type of leader, motivated by his love for his country, not special interest groups. His distinct image and captivating voice you already know, and now it's your chance to make him the leader of the people, for the people, by the people. That's right... Christopher Walken is running for President.

Now, at this early stage of the campaign, is when the grass-roots voters like us can really influence the candidates we'll see in the elections. So take a few minutes to visit the Walken 2008 Home Page at http://www.walken2008.com, read about the man and his ideas, and send them a message of your support. This is how the system should work, and now's your chance to have your voice. Don't let it slip away!

Sincerely,

-A caring citizen"

3. http://www.officeguns.com/gunadv_super_maul.html

Office Guns.

Made out of thin pencils and those alligator clippies you still wish you hadn't clipped to your nipples that one time you were drunk at work.
For shooting at your asshole boss when he's busy whining.

4. http://bloodynuisance.blogspot.com/

Because he suggests arming domestic violence victims. Because he's a World of Warcrack addict, just like Z. Because he's funny, and has ideas along my own extremist mindset (For reference, see Michael Douglas in "Falling Down": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106856/)

5. I, Asshole.

http://iasshole.org/about/
Nutty librarian mom of 2 in Seattle, who somehow, creepily seems like a reincarnated blogger friend from a past life. Is that possible, in this oh-so-short-life of the blogosphere? Yep.

ZEN AND THE ART OF BLOG MAINTENANCE
(Because I never read that shitty book , and I'm freaking tired of hearing my boss talk about it. What was it, The Tao of Pooh for the early '80s? He forgets, dammit, I was raised by a semi manic yearly religious convert. My earliest memories are of sitting with Dad on the side of a lake, while he threw his I Ching.)

Do you think the Tibetan monks wrote cryptic messages on boulders, and then with much great determination, they rolled them down the big freaking mountain? Typically, they hit the Village People below in bowling pin fashion, especially the cop (who is now a crackhead fugitive, you gotta watch those crackheads http://www.amw.com/fugitives/case.cfm?id=35412).

However, on every arbitrary Wednesday the boulder would be stopped in its path down the mountain by an annoying ten year old using the force. (See the oh-so-irritating "Short Round" from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom": http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0702841/)

Aforesaid irritating ten year old grabs the blog boulder, dashes up the himalayan mountain in leaps and bounds, a la "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon". Upon reaching the top, he throws the boulder into the temple, throws on some yellow robes, and sits upon it. (See "The Golden Child" for reference: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091129/).

And the whole blog boulder thing starts again, because those poor Tibetan monks are so freaking tired of having that annoying ten year old on the boulder throne. You gotta roll with the punches, folks.

SUMMARY:

You want to see:
1. Pets in Uniform;
2. Christopher Walken for President;
3. Office Guns;
4. a World of Warcrack extremist;
5. I, Asshole. (Because the name is enough. I keep picturing Derek Jacobi http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001394/).