Ten Things I Really Love

Because I am such a stressed out, nervous wreck of a human being (subsisting solely on painkillers to numb the anxiety - where is the valium, dammit) I decided it was important to be grateful. And I am. So here are 10 Things I Really Love (as discovered or rediscovered in the past week)

1. Sex with a deep emotional connection. No lights out, or eyes glancing away from your lover's face. How awesome is that. When the connection is there, the sex will always be awesome.

2. My new recipe for peanut butter/chocolate frosting, ultra rich because it had melted Reese's cups in it. Wow. One spoonful and you'll be good to go for another 6 months. Amazing.

3. Traipsing around in the woods with a blankie covering your shoulders and a straw hat tied onto your head to keep those cute baby hairs from frizzing around on your forehead. I swear I felt like I was in "Howard's End", and I was Helena Bonham Carter. Just kind of swooshing around in the crackled leaved woods. Yum again.

4. Being needed. Although I do plenty of bitching about how I don't have a shrink to talk to, it sure is easy to forget your own problems when someone desperately needs a shoulder to cry on. Sorry for the circumstance, Naa, but you may have saved me from a weekend long drunken stupor.

5. Planning a botanical garden. Yay. Having a great time planning perennials and reading the seed catalogues.

6. My lovely friend, Ms.Monty Python in Philly. She called me while I was roaming around in the grocery store like some lost insane asylum patient. Great to hear her drunk and happy, and wanting to tell me that she missed me also. Yes, it is very weird to be having so much fun without her around. On the other hand, I am really glad she was able to escape her hell - Crittersville.

7. The new present my friend-in-law (she refuses to be called a mother-in-law, or a pseudo mother-in-law, or an almost mother-in-law) sent me from Austin. There is absolutely no reason that you would use a car buffing mitt made out of real fur on a stupid car, I don't care how pretty it is. That thing was meant for the bedside table drawer, you know what I mean?

8. I lost 9.5 lbs last week. Kind of. I had actually gained 4 in water weight, then lost it all in one 9.5 lb. burst. Nice. And the exercise really helped my stress. My daughter is my personal trainer. She won't allow me to jog - no - I'm full out sprinting after her at the park.

9. The smell of fireplaces being used.

10. My daughter's sweet, soft cheeks. Sometimes I just lay my head on hers, and put my cheeks next to hers. I can feel the little tickle of baby blond hairs on her face rubbing over mine. And suddenly, life is good, and I am proud to have been given such a gift.

The past week or so seems to have been really hard on everyone I know. Four people died, two are incorrigibly fighting with their spouse, one had her abusive husband come back home, and one is simply the watcher and the keeper. That's me.

I watch, and hope I can be of service. I wait, and know that my love for my extended, created family may help in some way. I keep the bad things bottled up, and when I am in the privacy of my own secret place I let it all go in one big whooosh. I can pour my love, and douse with it also.

I wish you all the strength, courage, and confidence to continue on the path you know is pulling you. Life is the most difficult and humbling experience one can ever expect to have. Buddha said so. He also said that life is misery, and in many ways that is too true.

Without such misery, how would we be able to appreciate walking in the woods, or peanut butter/chocolate frosting? I know everyone hates the old "what doesn't hurt you makes you stronger" bit, but it is true, and you know it.

So hunker down and ride out this storm. True love can withstand anything. And that includes true love for yourself, something very necessary before you can gift it to others.

We'll make it through this one. I promise. And I am always available. (Unless Z has broken out the real fur car mitt).