You suck because of your Oxytocin

I had a really, really shitty day at work, and it was mostly because people either:

A. Can't communicate worth a damn. If you don't write well, don't expect to make a lot of sense when you send e-mails. Likewise, if you come off as an asshole when you talk (a la really shitty boss), don't talk so much. You readers get the picture. Downplay your flaws and exaggerate your assets. I don't wear skintight pants but I sure do know what to do with this cleavage (even after 45 lbs, it's still there. I don't get it. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up one day and POOOOFFF! NO Boobs!!!!!!!!)

B. Haven't any empathy/understanding of others. In some instances, my coworkers resemble sociopathic patients in an outpatient facility. You know the type: able to make it okay in the outside world, but really, really need therapy. Bad.

You know when you run across one of these character types. You speak one sentence. QUICK AS LIGHTNING! FLASH! You are interuppted, and the point of your anecdote was lost to the four winds. What a way to make you feel meaningless, eh?

I deal with this everyday, every hour, unless it is Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, or Passover. Or vacation.

Anyway, Yahoo news says that scientists have been playing around with mice, and have discovered that a key ingredient to human empathy is oxytocin. http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20051019/hl_hsn/hormonelinkedtoaggressioninmice
If you can process oxytocin, you are capable of forming relationships, garnering trust, and you won't likely be autistic.

I have experience with oxytocin. Did you know that when they are inducing labor, they inject you with pitocin, which is the chemical version of the natural oxytocin hormone? I have a better story, just wait.

About three weeks prior to my due date, I had to go to the hospital and get tested in a labor room. Apparently, because I was a high risk pregnant lady, they wanted to see what happened when my body thought that it was in labor.

As they explained it, rather gently and scientifically, oxytocin is the hormone released that eases your body into labor. It's like the flame on the dynamite stick. The only way to fake this is to either shoot you up with pitocin, which they don't want to do, OR

YOU PLAY WITH YOUR NIPPLES. IS THAT WEIRD OR WHAT?

So I get into this hospital gown and they strap this big thing around my enormous belly that is meant to gauge the infant's heartbeat when my body is stressed out with all that oxytocin running around. I had a monitor measuring my heartbeat on the left arm. I had an IV in, just in case I started things up too much.

Then they politely left me, with the tv on, to play with my own nipples. Apparently you could have your man there to do it for you, but I think he was working.

It's a bit weird to think that the nurses in the nursing station are anxiously awaiting for your nipple playing to adequately excite yourself into shedding some oxytocin. They have your vitals on a screen in front of them, you see, so they know if you are a good nipple player or not.

So that is my oxytocin story. Figure out how to use it right, stupid coworkers. Or just play with your nipples.