15 AARGHS For Wednesday

Aaarggh. My life is a mess.

AARGH #1
My gas will finally be turned on at the new house today. Meaning, I can actually go stay there, even though all of my things have been there for days. I've been camping out at my parents' house, which is a little weird. Charky sprawls out just like her Dad when she is sleeping. On a full-sized bed, this means plenty of elbows, knees and hands in the crook of my back.

I'm ready to get laid. Like, right now.

AARGH #2
I lost my cellphone sometime yesterday morning, and I know it's jammed in the corner of either Z's car, my mother's couch, or under the full-sized bed of elbows.

AARGH #3
I'm getting a cold. I'm sucking on zinc lozenges like there is no tomorrow. Pray for wellness.

AARGH #4
I haven't done any Xmas shopping because I won't have money until this weekend. I'm already stressing about it - I have never waited this long to buy presents. I usually have all my purchases placed online right after Thanksgiving.

AARGH #5
I have a shi&l0ad of tamales to make. Like 500. I appreciate catering, but I really need to get paid for this. Perhaps that is something to consider.

AARGH #6
I am going to attempt to put my Xmas tree up today or tomorrow. Meaning it will only be up for a week. Triple AARGH.

AARGH #7
My boss is absolutely obsessed with other people's money. I keep gently trying to give him some class lessons - it is neither appropriate nor a sign of enlightenment to lust after other people's things. Money/Objects don't make you happy. Anyway, I'm really, really tired of hearing about it.

AARGH #8
My ex is just about as broke as I am. I would love to ask him for some money, but I know it's worthless.

AARGH #9
My clothes smell like a rank ashtray because we've been smoking in our old bathroom with the fan on. As the bathroom connects to the closet, it probably wasn't a good choice.

AARGH #10
We're going to an Xmas party this weekend. It's the annual poker party, and I'd love to play, Z would love to play. But I'm broke. And these boys are way, way better than I am. (One of Z's friends has been to a couple of the Million Dollar Tournaments you see on the boob)

AARGH #11
I'm not pregnant but I sure do feel like it. Right now I believe I could live off of Taco Bell bean burritos. Restraining myself really sucks.

AARGH #12
I have absolutely no clue what to give Z for Xmas. He has already gifted me and it was incredible. He sets high standards.

AARGH #13
I have absolutely no clue what to give my 16 year old stepdaughter for Xmas. What the hell do you give a girl who is full on ghetto-fabulous?

AARGH #14
I have absolutely no clue what to give my own daughter for Xmas. The kid doesn't play with dolls, except to cut em up and perform surgeries on em. She wants a pottery wheel but until she can live in a more clean manner it's not happening. Why don't they have CSI kits for kindergarteners?

AARGH #15
I'm working on something at work that makes me feel like I'm being morally questioned. It feels like a big test.

I once said I would never work for Bank of Tokyo/Mitsubishi, Walmart, or pharmaceutical companies, due to moral objections. Yes, some things bother me that badly. No, these things may not be illegal but that doesn't make them right.

Perhaps this project is the kick in the ass I need to find other opportunities. I know that I need some emotional push to get me job hunting. I'm still stuck in an antidepressant-induced complacent stupor. I no longer flip out on morons and I seem happy. However, it's all a facade.

Anyway, wish me luck. I'm convinced I need to be a better person. Constantly trying to be better seems to be the only way to go in this short life.

And performing tasks that make you question your own moral fiber do not make for bettering the soul. It's giving in - rationalizing, lying to yourself, then slowly falling farther and farther down the rabbit hole - that leads you even farther towards Dante's inferno. Pretty soon, you are looking back at the choices you have made and you are trying to figure out what the impetus of bad decision-making really was.

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Wish me luck. I'm fighting for it.


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