I have been planning a vacation in a disorganized way this year. Despite my burning desire to go swim with my sharkie friends, I have to do something with zee that will please him also.

He says that he wouldn't mind seeing San Diego, and I admit I really like that town. I might even go by and see my drunken Aunt Linda living in my grandmother's cute little gingerbread house. I think it is totally funny that my grandmother's house is in the ghetto, yet it was appraised in 2003, when grannie died, for $350K. That's California for you. Anyway, that is on the way to my sharkie adventure, but I still haven't put myself there yet.

Our friend Robert is marrying the love of his life, another "Linda", June 4th, in Iowa. We are actually considering making the 1000 mile trip by car, and doing a "Roadtrip". My grandmother's family was from there, and there is apparently some Booth farmhouse where she was born somewhere in Iowa. Not that we really want to stay in Iowa.

I keep thinking about "About Schmidt". His poor, pathetic, tormented life is spent in his winnebago, driving the flat roads to nowhere in the middle of America. He writes to his little African friend Windoogoo, and visits his childhood home along with his alma mater.

I know I really need something very simplistic and quiet, in order to make me first feel old and boring, and then to make me feel young again because I am bored stiff. If anyone has any suggestions of places to visit while we go to BFE, such as the world's biggest haystack or the biggest corn maze or something, I could really use some help.