Ugly legs

I don't think it is very nice to point out people's physical flaws. This is mostly due to my constant self-inner speak about my own. ("Damn, your thighs are humongous. What are you, some freaking ice skater? Put that jello down, goddamnit.")

However, I found this spread on Junk Feud (www.junkfeud.com Saturday, September 24, 2005, Legs in Cars 3) that shows this horrendous pic of Christina Ricci climbing out of a car, in her underwear, and showing off her icky legs.

Granted, it's a photo from a movie set, most likely another flick directed by Tim Burton, and starring Ms. Ricci and Johnny Depp, who is constantly signing on for flicks with her because he has to. I'm pretty sure she blackmailed him during the early '90s, and told him that she would expose his bisexual tendencies on set if he didn't star with her every opportunity he got, and make her look less like an alien.

So in this particular growdy legged photo, Christina is climbing out of a car, after arriving at the ER, just prior to working her magic on some Doc with her sad, pathetic whine about how Johnny Depp raped her. (Note the black eye she is sporting, with minute flecks of Depp's Vamp nailpolish. He really laid it on her, girls, just like a woman. He does us proud.)

Check out her thighs.

Someone please tell me if I'm wrong here, but I thought celebrities were being paid all this mad money to sport amazing legs. For example, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a Horse of Jewish Descent, but she has the most amazing pair of legs I can think of. Example 2: Charlize Theron can't act worth a damn, but I'm going to see Aon Flux because her legs are absolutely amazing, and once I see them clad in black leather bodysuiting, I can hate her for real, yo. Example 3: Melanie Griffith looks like my Mom, fer real, yet I can't stop watching Working Girl because she makes those little minidresses look perky in a business like way. Although I may not see that hair color working on Wall Street, I can totally see why Harrison Ford would want to do her.

I don't pay that little former trailer park denizen my $10 at the theatre, when I go see The Legend of Sleepy Hollow or other goofshitty films, because I hope her thighs got uglier, or wish that her knees haven't seen the light of a good loofah. Are those bone spurs on her upper calves, or are the proboscises sticking out? What the hell.

Granted, the dress in this pic is amazing, and on my must steal list. http://starophileimages.free.fr/wallpapers/christina_ricci_002.jpgHowever, her eyes are just way too Dachau-chic for me, nes pas? If her nose was a little bigger, or her chin, we could market her in an exotic way. Why can't we throw her in a tanning bed for a month? Her eyes would look more soulful, and she would be a little brazilian, instead of a vampire mutant from Mars/Italy.


Girl, you make mad money. Go get yourself a makeover. Even Ms.Tyra could give you a mentoring.