This Minute In Snewo: August 21, 2006

Where I am: Sitting @ Work

Where I am emotionally: An absolute mess. I feel like I’m on a downswing. I just want to go home and hide in bed.

What I’m Afraid Of This Minute: I have another job interview tomorrow. I think my last two interviews showed me on my upswing and me on my downswing. On my upswing, I’m confident, conversational, and funny. On the downswing I’m wavering, indecisive, and depressed. I’m in the midst of a downswing right now, and I’m afraid of what I seem like in an interview situation.

What Bothers Me Right Now:
- I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown, and I don’t feel like I have any support. My Shrink’s Nasty-Ol’ Receptionist won’t call back and the M.D. Shrink requires an appointment 2 months ahead of time. To be considered a visit-worthy mental patient you need to be suicidal or violent. And I don’t
want to go there, even though I may feel that way. Getting locked up sucks.

- My drugs all suck. My Ambien doesn’t put me to sleep. My mental meds don’t help me feel less mental. And I don’t think my antibiotic worked – I still have a non-stop sinus headache.

- I’m not financially able to have another breakdown. And I certainly can’t be having one while beginning/trying to begin a new job.

- I can’t drop this class @ school because they are already trying to drop my student loan and kick me out, just for dropping the last class.

What I’m Grateful For Right Now:
- I got a raise today. That means I’ll have an additional $100 per month in gas money.

- I’ve had sex in the last 24 hours, and it was good.

- I haven’t gone to the liquor store to self-medicate yet, but I sure am thinking about it.

- I had green beans and squash for lunch, and it was yummy.

- I’m not locked up. I don’t want to go back to that place. I just want to feel better.

- My toes still look pretty – I painted them last Wednesday.

- Even though I wanted to beat Charky silly yesterday, I restrained.

What Song Keeps Rolling Through My Head:
- "It’s Hard Out Heeeeah for a Pimp", from Hustle & Flow. We watched it Saturday. Great Movie.





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