Sex on Methadone sucks

Kind of funny, considering sex on so many other kinds of additives is really quite nice. Sex on stimulants is amazing...frenetic and full of passion. Sex on hallucinogens is fun, too. Kind of languid, dreamy, and lasts forever.

Methadone, however, is another story. I have watched the movie "Gia" a thousand times. I love Angelina Jolie - if ever I were to have a girl crush, she would be it. Besides, my best friend loves the movie as much as I do. So much, in fact, I bought us both DVDs of the flick for her birthday.

Anyway, Gia was a bisexual heroin addict supermodel with a bit of nymphomania. She banged a lot of people in that flick, almost as many as Rebecca Romijn Stamos in "Femme Fatale". (Watch it while eating italian and drinking Chivas. By the first meatball (heh heh), you'll be taking bets on who Rebecca is going to nail next).

Gia was later said to have only had sex with people because that was what they expected. She just wanted to feel loved, like most other narcissistic personality disorders (NPDs). So Angelina in her break out role is a bit of a hook.

Funny thing is, I can't picture Angelina with a just-fuc&ed satisfied look on her face during that movie. I think the heroin got in the way. I don't know a whole lot about heroin, but I know that Gia didn't l0ok like she was well screwed. Suffice to say that methadone doesn't do it either.

ON A SIDE NOTE, REGARDING BILLY BOB THORNTON:

I know you all have seen that clip of Billy Bob and Angelina showing up at the Oscars together. Keep that in mind during my next sidenote.

I recently was telling my mother about Billy Bob starring in the "Bad News Bears" remake. She wrinkled her nose, stuck out her top lip in a squinch, and said imperiously, "I don't like that man."

(My mother saying that she doesn't like something is somewhat akin to Martha Stewart saying that something is a "good thing". If Martha were to say "that's not a good thing", wouldn't you be terrified that she would have Wusthof knives shoot out of her breasts? That is the same feeling I get when my mother says she "doesn't like" it.)

I asked her, a bit surprised, why she didn't like Billy Bob.

"Did you see him at the Oscars with that hooker? Did you hear what he said?"

For those of you who can't recall, Billy Bob explained, after exiting the limo and speaking to the reporters on the red carpet, that they (he and Angelina) "just fuc&ed in the limo on the way over". Meanwhile, Angelina is nibbling his ear, and practically climbing on top of him.

I just thought it was pretty funny that my mother views Angelina as a hooker, and Billy Bob as - and this is a quote - "white trash".

I personally find Billy Bob to be a refreshing redneck. Utterly bangable, and from Texas nonetheless. Yum. Angelina is just a free love free spirit - what is wrong with that? Wouldn't you do Brad Pitt?

What a generation gap. These two celebrities fall in my celebrity hero list, and my mother finds them utterly reprehensible.