Princess Tori needs her tiara stolen

Why the hell does Tori Spelling think she needs to apologize for her divorcing her husband of one year, Charlie Shanian? Is she that much of a spoiled JAP that she feels she has to regain some virginal purity for Daddy? Will apologizing publicly really do it?

What a freak. Where the hell are you in this world if your reality is composed of apologizing to the masses for your marital decisions.

As I told someone recently, most people post-divorce need congratulations, not "I'm sorry". You just made a decision that most likely made your life a hell of a lot better. Why the hell are they sorry about it?

Marriage - as in, being wed legally - is no longer a revered institution. I get the feeling this degradation of marriage as a sacred, symbolic act began with the construction of wedding chapels in Vegas. Have you ever seen pics of people who got married at those places in the '60s and '70s? They look freaking miserable. Plasticky day glo neon, smoky rooms with dingy green carpet (with the requisite diamond design), chlorine and liquor, sequined showgirls and DDD strippers do not make for a ceremony of sanctity. (I bet you could find this stuff at www.found.com.)

What does it say about your love for someone? And don't give me that shit about how marriage isn't solely based on love. I'm a modern, independent woman, dammit, and I'll marry for love if I want to. I can make my own freaking billions. When you marry someone in the Gomorrah of modern Americana, does that mean that your feeling for your mate is plastic, day-glo, cigarrette smelly, liquor stained, and nouveau riche? How deep is that? I don't care who they get to design these new junk-bond funded palaces (Steve Wynn's monstrosities come to mind), they look tacky. Cheap. Easily put together. I doubt other architectural wonders of the modern world had that look in the beginning. I'm sure the Sphinx was still breathtaking and awe-inspiring the year it was complete.

But that's just my gut.

Get a grip, Tori. I hated you when you were Donna, and got drunk at Prom. I hated Donna when she slept with icky Brian Austin Green.

I hated you when you played the virginal good girl next to Parker Posey in "The House of Yes". Anyone who gets their Daddy to buy them a nose job at 16 is not virginal. And Parker Posey kicks ass. Even though it was gross, I'm glad she stole your man and slept with her brother. Because you suck.

Shut up and go play in your "doll room" in Daddy's mansion, or go gift wrap or some crap.

For more Tori apology news, visit my favorite Bastard:
http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2005/09/26/tori-spelling-apologizes-for-some-reason/

Also see the Bastard's post: "Tori Spelling: Man, Woman, or Tranny?"
http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2005/07/12/tori-spelling-man-woman-or-tranny/