Let me count all the reasons I hate you....

1. You talk to hear yourself speak. I don't understand the purpose of having normal, day to day tasks raised to the level of mini conflicts. You run around like a chicken with your head cut off, and tell everyone, in an excited, hyperactive, anxiety filled voice about these scenarios. It's bad enough I'm the first person you get a hold of to listen to this crap all day long. Please don't step four feet away and recount the same diatribe for some other unlucky fool.

2. Everything is a bitch and a whine, it doesn't matter how positive it may be. IF your kid did something sweet for you, you whine. If your wife and you are going out to dinner, it's a bitch.

3. You yourself admitted that you have no friends. Why the fuc$ do you bring all your shit to work? You can only bring some of your personal life to work, not all of it. Why can't you make any fuc#ing friends to tell this shit to?

4. Why do you talk about other people's $$$ all the time? Didn't your mother teach you that was not nice/crass/impolite/trashy?

5. Do you really feel it is necessary to talk so loudly that everyone in a 60 ft. radius can hear what you are saying? Especially when you are discussing sensitive information?

6. Haven't you learned to be careful of which bridges you burn? I'm not sure it is a good idea to bitch about people who are more important than you are, especially since you refuse to quietly mumble. Everyone can hear everything you say, and don't think it isn't commented upon.

7. When you know that I have spent a considerable portion of time learning about something, why do you feel as though you have to then read up on it? When you come tell me everything you just read for an hour or so, I feel as though my life is a broken, skipping record. Brains aren't revealed by spewing other people's thoughts. Think up something of your own, and then you'll be recognized as a thinker.