TRICK ME OUT, BITCHES! I CAN FIND SHIT!

When I was a kid, I fell in love with the movie "Big". The idea that someone could become a suit-wearing corporate flunky while creating and playing with toys - that was appealing. I was a bit envious. Adults don't seem to have fun - DO THEY????

Boy, did I have lists for what I wanted to do when I grow up. I knew I had a number of passions and a couple talents. Unfortunately, I didn't really seem to grasp the idea that you are supposed to combine the two.

Here are a couple of my old, no-longer-applicable vocational wishes for when I grow up:

Marine Biologist:
You have to admit that I am obsessed with sharks. And swimming. When I was younger, my parents would drag me out of the pool, out of the ocean, out of a lake - kicking and screaming. Sorry. My moon is in Pisces. I'm a fish. And I'm actually a really great swimmer. I have stamina and shit, yo.

Problem is this: I'm also agoraphobic. I usually have problems being out in the middle of an ocean with no visible land in sight. I was a little freaked out when I first went snorkeling. I can't see me doing too well on a boat for month or year long trips.

OB/GYN:
I like babies, and I'm remarkably desensitized/disassociative when it comes down to blood and yucky stuff. However, I think women's parts are a little nasty. Refer to previous post about how porn is supposed to be airbrushed. I don't think I could deal with seeing real people and their real parts. Besides, I have serious problems with a lot of women and their hygienics. I don't think it was all ever properly explained to them.

Naval Academy Cadet:
I was a bit of a masochistic athlete back in the day, and the idea of going to one of the best schools in the country and hanging out with hot men in uniform seemed like heaven. Unfortunately, Uncle Sam won't let me join. Diabetics aren't allowed.

So today I realized that I need to start a business pimping out my services. I have a few skills that are turning out to be beneficial. Here they are:

1. I speed read. I've done so since elementary school. It kind of happened in one big flash - here I was, struggling through typical 30 pg. books for Third-graders and the next thing you know I'm reading "The Three Musketeers". I believe it is partly genetic - my Mother still reads four or five novels a week.

2. I have a photographic memory. I think that is largely genetic also. All I know is this: I remember things like they are a movie still - especially written work. This also helps with spelling, but that is indirect to the topic at hand.

Anyway, these skills have turned me into an amateur researcher. I can find shit. Mostly on the web. I'm okay in a library, too, but I like the internet. It's so...in my lap.

But I get called upon a lot to help others find shit. I don't think that this "finding shit" skill is some great talent, it's mostly just an ability to scan through shit really fast and figure out where I need to look next.

Today I had three people call upon my services while I was at work. And all three wanted information unrelated to work. One of these persons in need was actually looking for information to help him invest in a $750K investment property.

I think I need to start looking for a business model and researching a demographic. Surely I could charge a consulting fee for the individual above, who stands to make a crap-load of money each year off of his proposed business? (It was a great idea, by the way. Makes me wish I had some dough).

Then, upon racking up some cash from helping people find shit I could start looking for investment opportunities for myself. And treat myself to a wedding.

My mother said some woman out there has a business like this - she consults for companies. Her name is Faith Marigold or Martha Happiness or somebody. Do you know who this is?

I need some ideas. Give me a good one and I'll give you a cut off my first hourly job.








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