A few bitchy notes, minus any substance.

Forewarning: I'm a little off. I went and begged for new drugs last week, and in order to do that, I have to wean myself off of the happy drugs I'm on right now. Meaning I'm kind of falling deeper and deeper into a funk. So forgive me if I'm not real talkative. I'm kind of stuck in my own head like a really bad acid trip.

Just a couple of thoughts:

1. CRITTERSVILLE WAL-MART IS CONSPIRING WITH THE CHRISTIAN COALITION.
Crittersville's Walmart no longer sells condoms. I first noticed they pulled them off of the shelves a couple months back, when they were doing this store remodeling. I always went to Walmart because they have a self-check out and they carry this weird unusual brand we favor. The only other place they sell this particular brand is my local Eckerd pharmacy, and I absolutely can't buy condoms there. The staff has known me since I was 14. It's hard enough getting prescriptions filled there from the OB/GYN - you know, you pull the whole red-faced, averted eyes thing while the nice, elderly pharmacist who reminds you of your granddad also looks away in embarassment.

So Walmart was always safe. I always felt like trashy people shop at Walmart anyway. I thought I wouldn't run into anyone who I cared saw my cart with the very indiscreet red box within.

But Walmart must have been overrun by the Southern Baptists. The condoms are gone. Kaputzki. I even checked one day to see if the pharmacy stuck them behind the counter. Nope. No sight of them anywhere. I wanna know why it is okay for Walmart to sell the sluttiest panties around, those slutty little Bratz dolls, and little girls' clothing that looks pedophile-appropriate, but safe sex isn't advocated.

Fuc$ing Southerners. I swear they invented the pull-out method. And you wonder why teen pregnancy is such a problem here. I mean, isn't the message a little fuc&ed up? Don't wrap it, but you can't find an abortion clinic to save your life, and even if you could, you'll be harassed by the Ne0-Nazi protesters who'll scar you with some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Unlike the message I grew up with, which was inflicted upon me in my first sex ed class held in 6th grade, at the ripe old age of 11. "Wrap it or you'll die." AND "You don't have any business having babies, so you better wrap it and get on the pill simultaneously. Should something happen, there is a clinic here and here and here and here and here and here and here......Your parents don't have to know...."


2. I WAS SERVED BREAKFAST BY ONE OF MY FORMER CLASSMATES AND IT WAS A LITTLE UNSETTLING.

Megan Chitwood served me breakfast at Doug's Place yesterday, and despite the fact the service sucked I forced Z to tip her well. It was altogether unsettling to sit there, feeling old and yucky and un-made up and un-shaved legs and un-touched up highlights in the midst of a pretty hard-core depression...and have some girl-woman who looks 16 but has kids your age and wears a size 0 jean serve you biscuits and gravy. By the way, their red-eye gravy rocks, if you ever stop by. It's kind of a southside mainstay, if you haven't been to Doug's you don't live here. But their red-eye could possibly be better than ol' Tiny McGinnis'.

3. MIKE'S LIGHT HARD LEMONADE SUCKS.
Hence the name contradiction, I suppose. You can't name something a "Light Hard" thingamajig unless you are purposefully aiming for mediocrity. When you want a buzz, you'd be better off grabbing some of that Boone's Farm off the shelf. Again, why we hate Wal-Mart.

4. WHAT HAPPENED TO JAVIER LOPEZ?
I was a pretty-hard core Braves fan about a decade ago. I hate to admit it, but it was all about the Javi. That man was hot. I don't care if he couldn't speak english. He made a baseball uniform look good.

Now we have some ugly guy catching the balls. Where's Javi?





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