Cookies and reindeer: solutions for the holiday blues

I think men have the holiday blues worse than women, or maybe I am just being opinionated like usual. Women tend to throw ourselves in stupid holiday projects that consume our time that would normally be spent crying in bed with the pint of Haagen Daz. Men don't seem to have the ingrained ability to work on crap like this. I don't want to publish a book, "Christmas crafts men can make and won't feel like doo-doo heads", but you men are awfully whiny about these winter blues.

Cookies: Buy that crappy organic butter from Whole Foods with the PA cartoon cows on it. (Gotta tell ya, this evoked all kinds of memories of this formerly-mennonite raving rebel from Gettysburg I dated years ago) Prepare to spend an insane amount of money on the butter - $7 per pound - and make all kinds of cookies that turn out terrible. My christmas cookies always turn out great... dammit, I worked as a pastry chef... but this butter is the key ingredient to sloppy, all over the oven cookie failure. I am desperately praying that my grand marnier truffles on the agenda this weekend do much better, my poor Coast Guard serving brother is in the nice warm tropics of Panama and I thought he might want some gooey melted truffles for christmas.

Reindeer ornaments. If you didn't make these in preschool I don't know where you are from. Glue a couple together with some googley eyes and pompoms. Watch that glue gun, I have a nasty burn on my knee.... I sent a bunch in my xmas cards and I have a theory that the USPS is gonna go ape-sh#$ on the bulky, weird looking envelopes.

Men have all the advantages of getting over depression during the rest of the year. They go to the gym, play poker, go to strip clubs, take on a new woman, work more or whatever. Women normally handle depression with a ten pound weight gain and a nice Ralph Lauren comforter. Men, if you wanna keep your advantage, you have to smile at the nice Pakistani Whole Foods cashier while you purchase your ridiculous looking boxes of butter.