I can't get no satisfaction

Zee decided to update his weekly news on his girlfriend and read her blog last night, so he discovered his old wedding band on my kitchen witch. After much pleading, promises and cajoling I convinced him that my poor witch has possessed those rings for over two years, and that they belonged with her. He said he had been hunting for his for over two years. I asked him why he didn't ask me, I do know the location of every rock, crystal, book, lint and hidden hairball in this place. Zee asked me if I really would have liked him asking about his wedding band. He's so freaking logical sometimes. Virgo. If I remember, I will post his ultra crazy star chart. Even from an amateur point of view he looks nutty.

Went to go visit my best friend today. She moved to Philadelphia 1.5 years ago to live with her new husband. Like most married folk I know, she quickly became pregnant and had the most beautiful daughter with an absolutely beautiful name. I was excited about seeing her this week - she has been busy involved with another wedding from hell and I knew what time we would have together would be precious.

I ended up holding that baby for five hours. I can't help it that babies like me, they really do. I was an insanely sought after babysitter as a child, and was paid a whopping $12 an hour by the age of 13, as many parents were fighting for my services. Babies smell something wonderful on me. Zee says I smell like steak and that is just absolutely horrendous....I've been told my smell is of overripe fruit when my blood sugar is high and I would much rather stick with that.

Anyway, this beautiful baby and I had a wonderful time together. I had forgotten how great it is having a baby on your hip while you run around the house picking things up and entertaining baby. Was absolutely thankful and glad to give baby back, my biceps hurt.

So Zee says I am not allowed to have any for a while. This drives me absolutely insane, but his premise behind leaving me wanting is pretty valid. We have this theory that babies aren't an issue until you have that one, completely stupid brain-farting thought in the middle of coitus. It doesn't particularly have to be "Oh, I wish I had a baby" - as if anyone would be so stupid. It can be as simple as "AAAAAAHHHHHH I love you so much!", and whooops, whaddaya know.

I calmly explained to Zee that I had no issues, that I am not interested in completely wrecking my body and my mind again at this point in time. (My daughter was a bit of a miracle - she wasn't expected to turn out okay). I mentioned that we had a plan set for the future, and that I don't care how great that baby smelt, that is not an issue for me. He then admitted that the baby was an issue for him, so I am stuck with some nice cold showers for a few days or so. I thought babies loved me but until I saw my own daughter, combined with my best friend's baby, with Zee, I didn't realize that he is the baby king. Oh well. That's what you get for being with a man who more resembles a lipstick lesbian than a man. Love his sensitivity and romanticism, but for crying out loud.