My xmas blues

I am not sure if anyone else is as stressed as I am this xmas, but I need relief. I left work early today and was told, very sternly, that I need to spend all weekend off NOT thinking about work. I admit I often do, but only when I generally feel as though I am not accomplishing anything. Being stuck in major tasks that you can't finish because you are constantly interrupted by A. Bitchy, whiny coworkers; B. an emotionally fragile supervisor who really enjoys you laughing at their jokes; C. New tasks; D. A mother calling at all hours, anxious and upset over something new and xmas related; E. The weird smells in the office- today it was really greasy sausage balls that made me want to puke.

Ever since I hopped in my nasty old car I felt immediately sated and calm. My 2 hour 15 minute ride home honestly didn't bother me that badly, and I just kept envisioning my nice bed in a quiet house.

I have listened to a dozen people bitch about personal problems this week, and I am not really tired of it - this seems to be one of my rare moments when I feel capable and willing to embrace my path of shrinkdom. I sure have been touchy feelly and sensitive lately, and my cynical sense seems to have evaporated somewhat.

One friend has been informally told that his reserve unit will be deployed next year - either in its entirety or by picking members out randomly. I told him about that anecdotal segment they play for me every Tues. morning on NPR. The bit is about a soldier who recently died - they describe his life prior to service and who that face of a soldier really was.
I told my friend that I usually arrive at work that day with tears streaming down my face, the piece makes me so aware. We hear about the new death that occurs every day, but when do we really sit and understand that the soldier who died had a mother, friends, lovers, and children? When do we hear about that soldier's high school pranks, as told my his alumni and teachers? How often do we envision what it must be like to receive that letter with the fake Donald Rumsfeld signature - so cold and formal - describing how we will never see our loved one as long as we walk this lonely planet?

I told my friend that I don't agree with the whole thing, but yet I do. I told him that I don't think he should have such a volunteering, gung-ho attitude about going to Iraq. He gave me that "freedom isn't free" bullshit, and I told him that freedom isn't free because the world is run by men. Only a man would put himself in the position where the only last option is to choose to kill.

Why are you killing, my friend? For this country, that treats you like crap? For our protection, as you say, from people who have never been proven to have made an aggressive move against our nation? For our horribly mismanaged Executive chamber, who insists on jumping into action with no thought or logic?

I told my friend not to become one of those stories I hear on NPR on Tuesdays.

I believe we all have a lot to remember that is more important than what consumes us at this moment. Whether someone will die tomorrow is a little more significant when it is someone you know. This xmas, remember to get off your stupid, mundane life. Remember that someone in this world is a thousand times worse off than you are, and that person will not be likely to receive help or aid. Think about that poor man in Missouri, whose 23 year old pregnant wife had her stomach slit open.

I love you all, with all of your shortcomings and your petty problems. We all could use a big hug.