So I just feel absolutely terrible at this given moment. A friend of a friend hooked up with a man I had dealings with a long time ago. Unfortunately, her twist of fate hasn't helped her out the way mine did. I am pretty sure I know where she is, and I know it isn't pretty.

Thinking about those old days doesn't really bother me much. I figure I have killed enough neurons to only be able to remember the happy times. However, I just emailed my poor friend with advice, she is terrified for her friend and doesn't know what to do or think. As I told her the things I knew about this man, and his life and haunts, I just cried and cried.

It shames me to think that there is such evil in this world, and it isn't easy to stamp it out. Often it is hiding behind a clean face and a smile, and that can be the most ruthless and insidious kind. It shames me to think that I disrespected myself so much for so long and I never fixed it, I went from one bad situation to the next. I never had thought about it as disrespect - your body is a temple and all that crap - until now. I had always thought I was simply indifferent and having a great time.

I am so sorry for anyone out there who is seeing the things I once saw. It makes me feel terrible to think I can't make those things go away, and that I wasn't the only one in this world to have such experiences.

I am praying for you, K. Come home and be with your babies while they still love you, and before they hate you for leaving. I know you are strong enough to get out of the hole you are in.