Cat Lady Drives A Shelby

I'm beginning to be much nicer as I get older. I wonder if that is unusual. Before I would have easily made fun of some middle aged gentleman in his mid-life crisis auto. I see it a lot. I drive through Pretentiousness-land back and forth to work.

Z has taught me a lot of invaluable lessons about driving. One of my favorite lessons is this:

" Always follow the car that is outrageously speeding."

The logic is good, and it has worked thus far. The maniac in front of you is more likely to get a ticket than you are, and he usually opens up traffic, too. Of course, I recognize the cons: the maniac in front of you is also more likely to slam into a tractor-trailer. Comme Si Comme Sa.

Anyway, I followed a particularly delightful maniac this morning, who was doing 20 or 25 over the 45 mph speed limit. Easy. The car was one of those limited edition Shelbys. You know what they look like. Not as pretty as the originals, but damn was that car fast. Zip Zip Zip through traffic.

As traffic thinned out, I read the cars' license plate. Elenore. Okay, now I'm intrigued. http://www.carmemories.com/cgi-bin/viewzoom.cgi?image=3928

Don't get me wrong. I usually hate Nicolas Cage. But "Gone in 60 Seconds" is like chicken noodle soup for me. I pop it in when I'm in a funk and I usually feel better by the time Nic Cage and Angelina Jolie are playing with a clutch. I can't help my habits. That movie reminds me of me a long time ago, when I was lawbreaking and fearless and an absolute delight to be around if you needed a good time.

Most middle aged men in their mid-life crisis don't zip around in their luxe cars. It drives me apeshit when I find someone in a perfectly gorgeous restored Barracuda doing 30 in a 45 mph zone. The man I saw on Monday during my commute home was driving a restored Delorian, and completely holding up traffic in the fast lane.What the hell dude. It livened up your life enough just to own the object? You need to USE THE CAR. THAT IS WHAT IT IS FOR.

(Note: For full recognition of my own driving habits in the past, refer to the story where I drag raced down I-75 from Chattanooga to Adairsville, doing 115. It was then that I started to contemplate commuting to Chattanooga from my home - it did only take 30-40 minutes. Much faster than going to Atlanta.)

I finally pull into a two lane and as I prepare to stop, I glance over to see this middle-aged, post-mid-life crisis hottie. I can just see his graying temples and spectacles.

OH NO, DEAR READERS. THE DRIVER LOOKED LIKE THE CATLADY I TALK ABOUT. You know, the one who collects teapots, spends evenings shopping on QVC, and collects porcelain dolls. She had her hair in a longish, dingy auburn pageboy. Her glasses were smallish and very librarian like. She was wearing harvest colored knits, by God.

Ok Catlady. If I have to end up that way, you're my new idol. I'll gladly follow you in your "Elenore" into the sunset.




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