Open Door Honesty - Especially When Stupid People Act Stupid

No, I don't know what happened to the f&cking formatting on this thing.
If it continues to piss me off, I'll just avoid posting for awhile.
Beware.

How do you feel when someone punctures your balloon with a pin?
You know the kind of sting I'm talking about...you're riding
high on the clouds, in a great state of mind. Someone makes a
comment that just shatters you. Brings you back to earth with a
thud.

This didn't happen to me. A friend brought it up yesterday, and
wanted to know what to do about it. Upon receiving advice from
several different people, polar opposite opinions began to surface.
Tempers flared a bit, and I just wanted to know what others felt.

Here is my take:

When my balloon is popped, I am usually pretty stunned. In the past
I have stuck this hurt deep inside myself and obsessed about it from
then on in an obsessive-compulsive fashion. If that balloon-poking
comment made me aware of a character defect previously unknown, I
fell even further into this solitary quiet place where nothing comes
out. And then I usually cry.

HOWEVER. I've discovered the most powerful arguments/responses are
usually formulated after the fact. - WHAT SHOULD I HAVE SAID? -
And that is pure rubbish.

I'm trying to make an active pursuit of thinking faster on my feet, and
letting people know their opinions suck in a more-quick-like fashion. No
need to create long-festering resentments, no?

Even better is when you give it no less than an hour, and come up with
a constructively critical means of confronting the balloon-poker. No
need to expel a barrage of drunken-sailor talk (which I've been known to
do). No need to attack other people's character. Just logically explain
in a quiet like way why their statement was horseshit.

It's been my experience that people are usually afraid of me, and it has
more to do with the things I don't say than what I do. It's not like my
body language or facial expressions indicate any anger, or even that look
of an absolute psycho who is fixing to chop you up in little pieces.

I would hazard to guess it's just an aura thing. People can tell there is a
lot going on in that head of mine and some of it isn't peachy.

My point is that responding to someone in a lucid manner, and logically
explaining your argument is a true testament of composure. And that usually
freaks emotionally unstable people out. If anything, they will respond to your
criticism and open up a dialogue about what is going on. If I had said something
or done something in the past that was worth critique, let's hear it. Tell
me, baby. Let me know and we'll work it out. Don't act like a petulant child
who had their feelings hurt. I wanna get through this with you.

THE OTHER OPINION:

The other person felt that when their balloon is popped, the best way to
handle it is to not say anything at all. Forgive that person. Pray for them.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That's all I think I have about that. I understand that my
philosophy of open door honesty doesn't exactly follow my
spiritual leanings of composed, solitary enlightenment.
But in some cases, screw that.

The simple fact is that there are a handful of people
I keep on retainer right now. And I actually spend very little time
communicating with any of them, since I've been trying to
fix my mental instabilities.

But my reasons for keeping my social position simple are good ones.
I have a lot I'm not comfortable with, and I still hazard on the
side of caution. I don't really make small talk well. And I'm not
particularly interested in items of little importance to me that
generally arise in normal conversation. I also don't feel the need
to defend my opinions, and I've discovered that most of the opinions
I do have run quite contrarian to everyone else's.
THEY DON'T REALLY LIKE WHAT I THINK AND OFTEN FEEL THE NEED TO FIX IT.
I'm not interested in being fixed.
So I don't bother to open up a debate.

I don't talk on the phone a lot because the pauses and silences
seem that much more pronounced on the dead air over the telephone line.
It's way easier and more comfortable when the silence is face to face.

Anyway, I'm getting to a really comfortable place where my
balloon isn't really popped. Granted, I do have a shitty way of
cutting people out of Snewo-ness with a sharp paring knife. And
I've received a lot of flack for my disappearing act.

But it sure does protect one. If you constantly hurt me,
or create a more conflict-filled mood, you're outta here.
If I genuinely need you - I hope I do a good job
of letting you know. I'm not trying to be a total bitch
here but I am an elitist. If you are necessary and wanted
I will talk.

So my balloon gets popped very rarely now, and I think that's
pretty great. Having insecure, emotionally vapid friends
and relatives sucks balls. Cut em off and move on, so I say.

Let me know if I'm an utter idiot. I'd be thrilled to
discuss it further. And I won't argue. I do a pretty good
job of listening and considering other opinions, no matter
how far out they are.



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