I feel completely out of it. Do you ever have that uncanny feeling that you are no longer part of your body, and your physical self is just kind of floating around? I feel like I am missing some really fun, supernatural, crazy coincidences, but I am too dang stunned to know that they are going on around me.

So here are some interesting things that have happened lately. If you are getting more than 4 hours a night of sleep, perhaps you will be able to contact me, and let me know if I have missed something significant.

1. Looking for a job. As I read about all of these positions, I realize just how boring life is as an adult. What ever happened to the position for General Mills: "Research Consultant: Top industry specialist needed to product test our specialty cereal lines..." I need a mentor. Teach me to make life in an office fun. Right now I just wanna go live in the woods, and knit while I make organic applesauce, aka "Baby Boom".

2. Going to start some weird, medically supervised starvation diet next week. Doc says I am a double diabetic, whatever the f#&* that means. Basically, my body could only take about 17 years of insulin therapy before it became resistant. Gained a shi$-load of weight, as I tried to give myself enough insulin to drop my blood sugars. (Insulin is the best steroid/weight gaining supplement around. I don't wanna hear anyone whine that they need to gain weight. I will shoot them up, I swear.)

Anyway, Doc says that now, I am officially at about the heaviest I have ever been, and ever will be. Insulin doesn't work anymore. Need to lose weight - maybe that will help.

I gave this poor doc some stunned look - what a mental giant. For anyone who has been around for awhile, I think I have tried every weight loss strategy known to man. It really sucks when you stick to a 1000 calorie per day diet, all well balanced by the dietician, for 4 months, and discover that your reward is another 15 lbs.

So anyway, he's sticking me on some 600 calorie per day thing. I feel so weird at this point, I don't really care and it doesn't particularly bother me. Tell me that is weird.

3. Went to lunch with my lovely redheaded friend on Sat.
Drank 3 margaritas, and listened to how interesting life is when you are single and lesbian. Almost-just almost- wish I were single, childless and lesbian. Then remembered I really don't like that idea, and was perfectly content listening to someone else's telling of their amazing, funny life.

4. Finally found the dog I want. A friend pointed out that I can't get even an inkling of an idea of how much it costs from the internet. She felt that this indicates the dog is ridiculously expensive. Am going to have to break Zee down onto the "save-the-poor-puppy-at-the-shelter-idea"

5. Told off this megalomaniac the other day that I had been meaning to tell off for awhile. Hate egocentrists. Don't tell me about yourself anymore. I don't care. I might be on a vendetta.

6. Watched the 2 episodes of The Contender on TV last night, and seriously contemplated starting over in Las Vegas. My ex-boyfriend - the one who stalked me for a good year while I was newly married - lives there. He was willing to fund my life without any expectations of anything in return. I could just convince him that zee is my cousin, and charky is my little sister. I doubt he would notice. His mother is some huge HUD honcho. She could get me some fat pad in the desert.