End of Holidays 2005

As I sit here, the long three day holiday weekend is nearing a close. In a moment, my freewheeling laziness will disappear as I begin writing my paper that I have procrastinated-off for two weeks. When I begin working, I know this holiday will really be over.

What a year. So much happened, both good and horrible. When years like this past one happen, I realize how rich life can really be. A few years in my past went by and I seem to barely be able to recall them. The misery endured during those 365 days is difficult to recall, you see. Somehow my protective emotional self has dumped a lot of those times into a faded, far-away memory. It tastes metallic and bitter, but the harsh vivid memories are gone.

2005 was not a year of misery. My family has grown stronger, deeper. I have a house that is ours now - it will contain the gleeful experiences, along with the bad times to come. I have a whole list of things to accomplish in 2006, but I'm not in that mode yet. I'm still waxing nostalgic about the time that is now gone.

My best friend gave me a book for Xmas. "Marley and Me", by John Grogan. I ended up picking it up yesterday afternoon, and finished it in one sitting.

The book is about a man and his love affair with a dog. Not a romantic adventure, mind you, but the story of what happens when a person becomes soul-intertwined with an animal. Reading it yesterday, and today, seemed to fulfill this need I had to feel the theme of family.

Family is what I am appreciating now. My daughter has messed my new house with her strewn toys. My cat-dog, Mouse, just fell off the window blinds, shredding a few on his descent. My Z is comatose in bed, body open like a pair of thrown scissors. Oh, snap. Charky just yanked the window blinds off, and scared the piss out of me as they fell in one resounding crash.

Motherhood. It's a true pain in the ass, but it's an unforgettable job.

Lover. It's difficult at times, but when you are wrapped in an unclenching, unyielding embrace you are reminded how your lonely life has been redeemed.

Animal lover. My life has always been more satiable with the affection and companionship of my fur-friends.

Many warm wishes for 2006. I'm not a big believer in New Year's Resolutions, as it strikes me as shallow and frail to commit to new beginnings only one per year. Challenges present themselves to us that require our attention. It seems better to face them with a keen eye every day of the year, not in one doomed, hyper-active focus that rarely lasts more than a few days.

Love and peace to you all. May you find that warm feeling in your tummy also. Like a candle flickering softly in a dark room, it reminds me that I am at once content and discontent. And that seems the best way to be lucid and alive.




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