I'm Tired

Of being a Mom. Because:

- I can't even remember the last time I went to a bar.
- I can't remember the last time I wore makeup, outside of work.
- I can't remember the last time I had sex without internally flipping out because my daughter likes to burst in on us.
- I can't remember the last time I went to the beach sans kids.
- I'm broke and I'm trying to figure out how to make myself broker by having more kids.
- Instead of treating myself to Nordstroms for my birthday, I'll probably treat myself to a stain-resistant, cat-resistant couch.
- Instead of waking up at noon on the weekend feeling righteous and blessed, I wake up feeling guilty.
- When I control what my daughter eats, I feel my mother nagging and controlling my own eating habits.
- My daughter puts her hands on her hips and sasses me. I feel just like I did in third grade when all the mean girls were naughty.
- Because my pseudo-stepdaughter's teenage tales of mischief don't make me feel like a disciplinarian. I feel like I'm missing out.
- Because I forgot how to see out of a child's eyes a long time ago.
- Because I don't provide rewarding experiences for my daughter.
- Because I'm emotionally depleted and I just fantasize about drugging myself.
- I avoid baby departments because they make my eyes glisten.
- I dream of a house that doesn't have to be kid proofed.
- If I drink too much while I'm with my daughter I feel bad.
- Because our conversations only rarely provide me with joy.
- Because I'm constantly obsessing, thinking she's lying to me because of some genetic precursor.
- My hair is only now recovering from post-natal depression.
- Because she yelled at me for eating her Froot Loops this weekend. I didn't have Froot Loops as a kid, dammit.
- Because she eats weird things. And doesn't crave fruit. What the hell.
- Because I'm constantly discovering stickers she has stuck me with when I hide in the bathtub.
- Because I can't afford to send her to private school.
- Her sleep doesn't look angelic anymore...it feels like escape.
- I hate the way she treats cats.
- She asks too many questions during movies.
- She already knows how to nod and say "uh-huh" to placate me.
- She already feeds me the answers she thinks I want.
- She isn't willing to try new foods.
- She can't stand to have her hair touched, and runs around like "nell".
- Because she spells letters backwards and I'm afraid she's dyslexic.
- Because her stinkin crabby ol kindergarten teacher thinks she's abnormal even though she's just acting six.






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