A Man's Mental Age; Or, How I Am NOT Attracted to Jailbait

Z bears the mental age of about 17. I know I've mentioned in previous times that I believe men have a static, perpetual mental age, usually somewhere between 6 and 14. I'm lucky enough to have found a man who is stuck at 17, because these are among the most emotionally "adult".

The Idealized Static Age 17:

Truly appreciates women. Has some sexual experience, enough to know that a woman enjoying sex makes your own orgasm thirty times better. Is starting to figure out when women fake it.

Still engaged in little boy bad behavior (smoking,drinking,drugs, bars, metal) but has figured out what kind of bad behavior will send one to jail. Thusly, Static Age 17 knows boundaries.

After a few teen years of emotional frigidity - ie., "I just want to stick my penis in you. Don't touch me. Don't hug me. Don't kiss my body. Just let me grab your tits and I'll do the rest of the work." - this static age has actually come back to intimate embraces of the non-sexual kind. Enjoys the wanton cuddliness of children and puppies. Treats women as same.

Interests include being lazy. Competitive sports are usually those that require no physical exertion. Appreciated movies are truly that which entice 17-year olds.

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As a result, my pseudo-17 year old lover likes movies of a certain genre. Violence, but in a fantasized way. Lots of action. And shots of ass.

Z's birthday was Friday, and as a result, he picked this weekend's movie.
The Covenant.

The Covenant, in case you haven't seen the trailers, is like The Craft, but for this generation of supernatural-loving teens.

Starring four hot "18 year olds" with impossibly cut tummies (I've never seen an 18 year old with ridges and veins that defined), I didn't mind. Fine. So the plot sucks. And the realization of the plot, in terms of how the movie pans out, sucked too. I have plenty of opportunities to ogle eyecandy. It's like people-watching at the beach. No interaction, but you see plenty to keep yourself amused.

Unfortunately I had a sudden sinking feeling when in the midst of the movie, several of the characters have broken into their school admissions office in order to pull records on another student. They discover that his birthday was July 14, 1988, which had some kind of significance or another.

July 14, 1988.

In that very moment, I felt like a pedophile. As a woman who has always traveled in circles of friends older than me, I've never had the experience of a May-December romance, where I was the December. I've always been the jailbait. The baby.

And then I was checking out 18 year olds who were born in 1988. The year Rain Man, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Big, Die Hard and Crocodile Dundee were released. The year Geraldo Rivera's nose was broken in the midst of one of his ultra-shitty show episodes featuring white supremacists. The year "I heard it through the grapevine" got a revival after the California Raisins commercial came on.

Oh god, I felt so old. And I haven't felt that way in a long time, especially since I've been with Z. He makes me feel incredibly youthful. * In bed. :)

So I may put my static 17 year old on restriction now that his taste in movies made me feel a bit like a pedophile. And damn the internet for now immediately sending my blog to the FBI for investigation since I posted that word.

Go see The Covenant. And have your own mid-life crisis way too early.



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