Spam Emails Need an Emotional Duress Lawsuit Posed Against Them

I don't have long to post, I have an elliptical appointment beginning in 15 minutes coinciding with the Orange County Housewives (because I have a reality tv addiction that requires intervention).

Do you take a look at the spam in your bulk mail folder? If I were in a depressed state, those emails could sure make me take a turn for the worse. It's like the man out there somewhere is visibly reading into my subconscious, taking every single worry and fear out of my head and making me offers to rid myself of said evils.

For example, here are a few of the messages in my bulk folder today:


Debt Consolidation
Debt consolidation made easy

Global Warming - VOTE for $250
Is Global Warming a SCAM?? Vote YES or NO and earn $250!!!

Scholarship Awards
Time is running out to apply for a $10,000 scholarship

Clear Debt
Don't consolidate debt--Eliminate It!

Online Degrees
Top Online schools you want

24Hour Loan
Enjoy a new car no matter what your credit status is

Find Love
Find your soul mate today.

Pay for College
Apply today for a $10,000 scholarship giveaway

24Hour Car
Get financing for a new car in 60 second

Rewards Request Center
Get a $250 JC Penney Gift Card on us - see details inside

Online Schooling
Start your higher education today

Hoodia Weight Loss
As seen on CBS 60 Minutes - Hoodia Gordonii

Beauty Samples
Sample NEW Body Wash with Body Butter & more!

Military.com
Military Education Benefits

Pay for Education
Apply today for a $10,000 scholarship giveaway

Tax Brain
You could file taxes online at TaxBrain and get cash in as little as 24hrs. Free...

Chewing Gum Samples
Get Your 12 Packs of Dentyne Ice!

I know that gave you a headache reading those crappy email examples. But my point is this: How do these people know that I am currently:

- Overweight and desperately trying to fix it
- Completely broke and fixing to start picking up aluminum cans off the side of the road
- Politically distraught, because George Bush hurts my "Mr.Smith" mentality
- Freaking out about school, because I can't get another student loan ( I only have 10 months
left, people. This really sucks.)

Do they psychically sense my issues over the internet? I know my web surfing doesn't do it, because I'm a pretty savvy web-surfer. It's not like I click on any popups or anything.

But these motherfuc&ers want to cure my money problems, my love needs, my higher education desires, and my political angst. THEY KNOW. The man is out there, lighting up a Camel Light, drinking a nice chilled glass of smirnoff, wearing a chinchilla coat and absentee voting republican while trying to suck me in to his vapid pool of human despair.

Thanks for letting me vent. I got a little worked up. I promise not to pay attention to my bulk folder any longer.



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