C-Vegas, Crittersville, and "You are kidding me. Where the hell have you brought me?"

So a fellow Crittersvillian found this on MySpace. I avoid MySpace like the plague. It looks like Blogspot for demented teens. But again, like usual, I digress.

Here are my answers to the "Do you know Crittersville test".
Gives you people an idea of the hell I put up with moving here.


1. HAVE YOU EVER CRUISED THE "STRIP"?
Yep. Not a lot, mind you, but I was a chameleon. I had redneck friends too, yo.
Never mind the "Snewo likes to flash cops" incident(s).

2. ON AVERAGE HOW MANY PEOPLE DO KNOW WHEN YOU GO TO WAL-MART?
I'm morally against Walmart, so it doesn't matter, does it? However, Target seems to be the place I get spotted. Other than that, I don't generally run into people I know in Crittersville. Everyone I hate moved away.

3. CLUB 104 OR THE PUB?
Well, I guess the pub. Not that it's my scene or anything, but the last and only time I went to Club 104 I saw four different guys I had bad - ahem - memories of. Not going there again.

4. HAVE YOU EVER LEFT YOUR CAR AT TARGET OVERNIGHT? -
Yep. Other people were always convinced I needn't drive.

5. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DOWN LUCAS ROAD?
Yep. Told ya, I had redneck connections. Ask me about Stiles Road, or the Pet Cemetary in Taylorsville, or the sunken Confederate Cemetary nearby, or "Devil's Graveyard".....

6. LAST SUMMER HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SPEND AT THE LAKE?
I haven't been in Allatoona since I saw the snakes climbing up the houseboat while we were night-fishing.

7. PAL'S OR BLUE SKY?
Neither. They closed down the Pal's gas station so I don't go there anymore. And I have moral objections to car washes. Go ahead, ask me.

8. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE PORCH IS?
Sounds familiar. Isn't that the place off of the River? I've been there...doing naughty things....

9. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW THE CRAZY DANCING GUY ON HWY 41?
Is that the same guy who chased Donnie Bean? I thought he died- I haven't seen him in a long time.

10. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ATE AT THE FOUR-WAY?
With Travis Vaughn and David Shellhorse. We walked from our houses one Saturday morning, around '94. Only time I've been there. It's spooky.

11. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE NICK NAME FOR CARTERSVILLE? -Crittersville

12. HAVE YOU EVER JUMPED THE RAILROAD TRACKS AT CLOVERLEAF? Yep. Learned about "How to jump a train behind Pettit's field off Church St./Mission Rd". John Clayton.

13. DO YOU EVER HANG OUT AT AUTO TRENDS?
What is Auto Trends? Is that the place Sheree West's First Husband worked, and got that shimmery car paint for her Del Sol?

14. HAVE YOU EVER RACED SOMEONE ON BUSH ROAD?
No, on 41 South of Main Street. And yes, my SHO was the Shiznit. I won, like usual.

15. DID YOU THINK IT WAS THE GREATEST THING WHEN WE GOT A ROSS?
No. At the time, I was spoiled on the Ross on the corner of Piedmont and Peachtree in Buckhead. I'd cash my check and go spend half of it there. Those were the days....

16. LOS REYES OR EL NOPAL? -Los Reyes makes me want to move back to California. El Nopal is awesome. I literally fruck out when it was being built in Crittersville- I used to have to drive to Kennesaw to go there. Course, that Mexican place in Calhoun is still the best. It's on GA's Most Haunted List, and the food rocks.

17. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE SQUARE? -Yes. I remember rollerblading the square at midnight with the skater boys. So there.

18. HAVE YOU EVER SQUEALED TIRES LEAVING SCHOOL?
Not personally, I was always the passenger in those vehicles. Usually driven by determined males.

19. CAGLE'S OR STILES' BON FIRE?
Cagle's is for true Cass rednecks, sorry. Never really liked the place or the people. Stiles was my spot. Course, I preferred North Allatoona past "Devil's Graveyard". I owned that Peninsula, people. Mine.

.20. DO YOU STILL GET PUMPED UP WHEN CASS PLAYS CARTERSVILLE?
Yes. I finally quit rooting for Cass and admit that I wish the Canes would win. Purple is sexy.

21. DO YOU THINK THERE IS SOMETHING ABSOULUTLY SEXY ABOUT LIFTED TRUCKS?
Yes, but I'm more into Monster trucks. Or lowered trucks. Or Hydraulics. Or sub-woofers that make testicles tingle.

22. EVER BEEN IN THE CHRISTMAS PARADE?
Hell no. Do you know how cold it is in December? Are you an idiot?

23. KNOW ANYONE THAT WORKS FOR THE CITY/COUNTY?
Yep. Ran into my friend's mom - the deputy - when I was arrested/went to court/ got a pee test. How embarassing is that? Used to know all of the narcos because they wanted my services.

.24. WERE YOU AT DAWSONS ON NEW YEARS? -Dawson who?

25. EVER PLAYED GOLF AT THE COUNTRY CLUB?
No. Broke in around midnight and did bad things on the golf course.

.26. KNOW ANYONE THAT IS CURRENTLY AT THE BARTOW COUNTY JAIL? not currently. The Bartow Blotter has really sucked lately.

27. IS IT TOO TABOO TO WEAR CARHEART JEANS AND A POLO? -
In my Pink Floyd Shirt/Seersucker pant/Gold glitter jellies-wearing couture, any polo shirt is taboo. (Unless it has Charlie Brown stripes and you're trying to make a point). The Carheart jeans are just goofy. Real Country men wear Dickies. They're cheaper and they fit the ass better. And their button fly pops open quick for a piss in the cornrows.

28. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT CARTERSVILLE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Has anyone paintballed "Grab-a-nickle" (Tabernacle) yet when they do their little abortion cross stunt thing? I would do that.

OMIGOD! How can I forget!!! I would blow up Plant Bowen.


And a Snewo Aside:
I'm still a little disturbed that they built the city soccer complex on Fuc# Rd. Do you have any idea how weird it is to take your kindergartner to soccer practice?



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