Contemplating the Blog

In the past few years I've used my blog as a casual, albeit guarded vent. I fear for those who spill their guts on the web. Anyone can read it, and anyone with a little skill can look you up and find out what an eejit you are. Isn't protecting your inner feelings - as a skill - a sign of adulthood? Only little kids tell the truth all the time unabashedly.

My perspective is changing. For several years I've been living under a motto of personal honesty. Since I was a little kid I was told by my Dad - stop caring what other people think. They're too damn selfish to pay attention to you anyway.

And Dad, I think you are right. I'm hanging onto so much baggage...crap that adults hold onto like a bank safe. Adults don't talk about their transgressions. Their faults. Adults don't reveal that they are humans living the human condition.

Well fuck that. I'm tired of being an adult. I'm tired of acting like an adult. Only with childish glee and excitement do we really get close to the feelings that come with tripping on acid. And I'm a true believer that some of that giggling-crying-jag stuff that comes with an LSD trip does in fact bring you closer to God.

So enlightenment must become priority #1. And with that, I need to stop using my blog as a way to casually socialize with other adults online. No more. I need to take advantage. I've always been one of those people who can't keep a journal because I go back, reread what I wrote last year, feel ashamed and hate myself for being such an eejit. I know I can do that here on blogspot - edit out posts I don't like - but I haven't really taken advantage of that kind of editing tool. I feel comfortable keeping it real.

I'm now beginning on a new blogging path. I'm going to be unabashedly frank and honest, because, like that You Tube movie, "What We Are": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a15KgyXBX24, I am a monkey who tries to sit on a couch and spill my guts with another monkey. And somehow, watching that You Tube movie, spilling my guts to a monkey seems gay.

So be prepared, people. You may want to dump 'Anywhere But Here' as one of your favorites. Because I'm going all out. Tales of cocaine addiction, alcoholism, and blowjobs. Tales of what a shitty friend I am. Tales of how I am a liar.

Restraint is something created in our monkey mind. I'm over it.



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