mommy

bebe

Drew and Adam

Drew Richardson - Erin's Newborn

"The Best Thing That Ever Happened In My Life"

So I found another blogger that obviously shares my vicious sense of humor. Read "The Best Thing That Ever Happened In My Life". And laugh your ass off. Men are afraid of the tea-pot collecting, Beanie Baby selling Cat Lady. Chortle Chortle Chortle.

http://bloggymcblogalot.blogspot.com/2006/07/best-thing-thats-happened-in-my-life.html



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HOW TO FIND A JOB NEAR CRITTERSVILLE, GEORGIA

I know, I know. I really haven’t been looking – hard core – for very long. But dammit, I had forgotten how hard it is to get yerself employed.

PROFILE OF SKILLZ:

Research
I have mad researching skills, yo. I can find shit on the internet. If you can find it first, I’ll totally give you props. But I have mad skills.

Communications
I type fast, too. I can Google something as fast as the roadrunner can run.

Developed Professional Experience
I know about 80 million websites. Like the Gizooglinating website. http://www.gizoogle.com/
Or where to find other Crittersvillian Bloggers : http://www.technorati.com/

Technology
I know how to change your ISP so your internet searching can’t be tracked.

SO DAMMIT, PEOPLE!
Help me simplify my life. I need to quit commuting 2 ½ hours everyday. Like, now. And I can’t search for jobs everyday this way, submitting my resume to everyone and their momma.

Hook me up. And pay me. With medical insurance. And 3 weeks vacation, 5 sick days, and I wanna be allowed to take sick days on an unpaid basis. Dammit. If I’m in the loony bin for 5 days I don’t wanna use my vacation time. I want a job that doesn’t punish me for being sick, something I can’t avoid.

I've got mad skillz, yo. Let me prove it.



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(Actually, I didn't say that - but the movie is pretty lamo)

"Hostel" - Don't Even Bother To Rent

(I'M SPILLING DETAILS HERE, SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT POST, PLEASE)

So Z and I went to our local movie trade-in place on Friday. We had a babysitting offer for Saturday night, but we just couldn't figure out a movie we wanted to go see in the theatre. Instead, we traded in some of the $6 duds we bought at Blockbuster in exchange for some new duds.

Namely, "Hostel". Z really wanted to see it because Quentin Tarantino produced the movie. The reports we read about it said that it was the goriest movie of all time. Tarantino isn't exactly subtle - so this made sense.

Anyway, we both hated it. The whole theme of "human hunting" has been done before, and somehow it seemed really cheesy/B Movie quality in "Hostel". Even the special effects - the wounds and burns and etc. - seemed fake. While Jay Hernandez (also from "Crazy/Beautiful") is really hot, he just seemed like a dumb frat boy who actually needed to get his fingers chopped off in order to deliver some kind of cathartic wake-up call.

I also think that the whole Eastern European sadist thing has been completely overworked. Since the beginnings of the cold war, we've seen movies that show the sadistic "Doctor" type who likes to torture people. His accent is either Russian or German, which I'm sure is some kind of natural development since the advent of the Nazis and the fear they created. Anyway, the cliche is old, and just doesn't strike me as scary anymore.


So if you're curious, see "Hostel". Sometimes the curiousity created from the hype is enough to make you want to try it. We may just have to learn our lesson. In today's Hollywood, it doesn't really matter who is in it, who is behind it, or what the reviewers say. The flick could still suck.



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Reality Check Needed - Work

So I spent all day today and all day yesterday looking for jobs closer to home. I've made it a personal goal to find a job that will cut my commute down. I told someone today that I'll do just about anything - include selling my flesh - to work 20 minutes from my house.

Please grab my arm and shake me. Hard. I found this job today that would let me work from home as a "Copywriter". I have the qualifications to apply. The pay and benefits are really good.

Here is the catch. It's working for a men's porn mag. Writing all kinds of stuff. Bylines, stories, ad copy. By the time I'm done with this particular job I may not want to see a naked body ever again.

Is this wrong? It's a dream opportunity. But I couldn't exactly put it on my resume -

"Experienced writer met writing quotas at porn house, describing things that are sticky, wet, and smelly."

"Profile of Skills:

Sexual Imagination - Can properly describe every sexual position known to man. References available upon request."

It's not like I'm coming at this from the moral high ground. My recent cathartic loony-bin experience proved to me that I don't really have a whole lot of morals. The moral fiber I do have is really dedicated to my own selfish preservation - my fear of abandonment, etc.

I certainly don't have a problem with porn. Or masturbation. Most of my problems in the sex department surround infidelity. Like, I don't believe in it.

However, working for a porn house wouldn't exactly be compromising my moral take on infidelity, would it? If more men grabbed a porn mag, maybe they would be less likely to go cheat on their mate.

Advisement, please. Porn Writing As Career?



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TEN THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF – RIGHT THIS MOMENT

1. Sunday is chore day, and I really want to break up that routine. I spend all day cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, ironing my work clothes, and painting my toenails. It seems so boooorrrrrinnnng. And it doesn’t start my week off in a nice way, doing all the things I hate. I wish I had help around here.

2. My cat(s) puked on the bed and the front entry table this morning. Nice present, thanks kitties.

3. My face is completely broken out. I think its part detox and part “lack of air conditioning”. See #4

4. We have no AC. And it’s typically 95 or higher, with 30% humidity. I’m freaking dying. And I’m sure my excess weight doesn’t help. See #5.

5. I can’t exercise because I’m so freaking hot. And my elliptical broke, or I’d exercise inside. But wait- whoops – I can’t exercise inside because I don’t have AC.

6. My elliptical broke because the stupid boy at “Play It Again Sports” didn’t put it together correctly. Z also says the stupid boy took the instruction booklet with him when he left. As Z was the one who suggested the stupid boy put it together ( I could have spent a weekend doing it myself, and then instead be pissed off when I didn’t do it right) and he was the one who supervised the putting-it-together, I think he should exert some authority and complain. And get my much-needed $80 back from the boy who scammed me. But he won’t. He says I need to do it, since I paid for it. Dammit. Fu&%. Shi%. Where’s some aggressive/testosterone when you need it?

7. I ate at this place I’ve been wanting to go to for awhile – “Red Peppers” in Acworth. It was given a really great rating by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Absolutely incredible Cuban. To die for, I’m telling you. Anyway, dinner was somewhat ruined by a grumpy, grouchy Z who has been complaining all weekend that his tummy hurts. As we only get to go out to eat once a week, having my dinner ruined by sullen looks/stares/complaints/utter grouchiness is enough to really, really tick me off. And when I said so much, I was virtually ignored, and given more silent, sullen stares. Dammit. Fu$%. Shi#.

8. I applied for a bunch of jobs last week and I’ve yet to hear from any of them. I’m pretty sure my fragile sanity won’t last long – especially if I keep commuting 2 ½ hours per day.

9. None of my clothes fit.

10. Z left to go gaming this evening and didn’t leave me any cigarettes.









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What I Learned in the Loony Bin

1. Very few people in the loony bin struck me as unusual or abnormal. For the most part, they behaved like everyone else walking the streets. I figure the difference is that the loony bin patients got caught for their eclectic behaviors.

2. Restraining how often I can smoke makes me want to smoke more. We were allowed to go outside every 2 ½ hours or so. I had nicotine fits all day long.

3. Ativan rocks.

4. Ambien rocks.

5. Being on "suicide watch" sucks. Having a nurse come check on you every 15 minutes makes you feel like you are in jail. Every time I passed out, a voice came over the loudspeaker requesting a response from me to let them know I wasn’t in trouble. It reminded me of when I was a toddler, and my mother would let me roam around the house while she cleaned. She would yell, "DOOOIINNNGGGG?!?!?!?!" until I yelled back some appropriate response, while I colored on the walls or raided my sister’s sticker book.

6. Despite all of the long periods in between usage, I am an addict and an alcoholic. Even when I’m not using, my mental framework still behaves like an addict. Whether it’s cocaine, meth, opium, methadone, PCP, LSD, or Vodka, I still crave something to alter my mental state. All the time. I now know that I am not a recreational imbiber. I go all the way, baby.

7. Going to A.A. meetings is good for me. And I really do think that. It feels right. I haven’t been to church in forever – where I felt that certain sense of inner calm come over me. A.A. meetings do that.

8. I suffer from "Major Depressive Episodes". The disease was genetically given to me like some kind of evil parting gift from my forebears. I’m glad I live when I do – I’m sure if I had been around in the early 20th century they would have administered shock treatments or a lobotomy to fix me. Now I just take my happy pills and pray a whole lot.

9. Speaking of which, I’m trying to gather my spiritual side together and make a list of "Who I Think God Is". I haven’t really thought about it in a long time. Any suggestions or help from y’all would be great.

10. Being schizophrenic has it’s upside. I met this lady who, despite all the anti-psychotic meds she takes – still sees fireflies and grasshoppers jump across her line of vision. She said that she paints them, and that they are really beautiful. I asked if she chases them, and she said that she only does so when she needs to exercise. She also said she usually doesn’t bother to leave the house because she is so entertained by her constant "Bug Trip". How cool is that.

11. Overdosing on pills sucks. I met all these people who had their stomachs pumped or were filled with charcoal through an IV. Kids, no matter how tolerant you are to your painkillers it isn't a good idea to take 20 SOMAs in one day.

12. I'm pretty fastidious about cleanliness, and I get the impression that it's more than normal. I may have to discuss it in the future.

13. Indian M.D.s are the coolest Doctors around. They're mad smart, they talk as fast as I do, and they are constantly thinking. Just a general observation. Now all three of my Doctors are Indian. Oh, and they're visually appealing, too.

14. Hospital food sucks. But you knew that already.

15. I met a lot of people who looked much older than their age. Mental illness and addiction makes you look old. I need to work on it quick. I met a lady who was 47, and looked older than my 67 year old Grandmother.







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Enron Assassinations?

Am I the only one who finds it odd that two Enron players died in the same week?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060712/ap_on_re_eu/britain_banker_death;_ylt=Ao95UAvcCRUmWW_L_cKdsXys0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3b3JuZGZhBHNlYwM3MjE-
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060712/ap_on_bi_ge/lay_funeral;_ylt=AtQFs9b9MiI_UJpF.9mPAZis0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3bGI2aDNqBHNlYwM3NDk-



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Blog Interruption, Sanity Needed

Hey –
I was in Austin 6/30-7/3, and locked in the loony bin from 7/5-7/10. I have over 200 unread emails right now, and I’m just starting to get back in the swing of things. I’ll update my blog when I’m feeling more sane/competent.
Much love,
Snewo



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