We love Halloween at Snewo's House

Prestigious Stinkering

The Prestige: One of the Last Stinkers of the Year

So we went and saw "The Prestige" last night. Wow. What a stinker. Save your $14 (date night admissions: two) and get it at blockbuster/netflix or whatever. If you really, really want to see it. Cause it sucked.

Even the eye candy looked unbathed, circa 1900. Yuk.



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Day 18: Unemployment

Ay yi yi yi yiiiiii.

Being unemployed sucks. Did you all know that? Am I just speaking to a dead ear? Here are a few other things that suck.

1. Depression sucks. Going to the shrink whilst being depressed sucks harder. Shrinkee man makes me do hard stuff. For example: Homework assignment of the week- Come up with 5 things I pat myself on the back for. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. I'm depressed, damnit. I don't pat myself on the back for diddly squat right now. Cut me some slack, super duper shrinkee man.

2. Statistics sucks. Not being able to concentrate (ie., reading 800 pages of statistics text) sucks harder. If any of you people have a copy of 'Statistics for Dummies' you better gosh-darn send it to me. Because if I have to calculate the z value from the t table using the alpha and beta one more goddang time I'm going to spew.

3. Null Libido sucks. Feeling guilty about null labido sucks harder. Enough said.

4. Feeling Agoraphobic (ie., not wanting to leave the house) sucks.

5. Not receiving my severance check sucks.

6. Charky losing her new glasses sucks.

7. Having a cold, whilst depressed, sucks.

8. Not wanting to get online because you hate feeling so out of touch with the world really sucks.

9. Not paying your bills because you can't concentrate sucks. Having your water shut off sucks.

10. Not having the energy or interest to do diddly squat sucks.

When I feel like getting online again I'll try not to focus on what sucks, and focus more on what doesn't suck.



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Day 10: Unemployed and Slowly Rolling Downhill

Hey Kids! When you're feeling a little wishy-washy about life, don't follow Snewo's lead.

1. Cooking for creativity can thus lead to eating shittily:

So I baked a cake yesterday, for the first time in a couple of years. Earthquake cake - bottom layer of coconut and pecans, top layer of german chocolate cake swirled with cream cheese frosting. Way yummy, but in the midst of my loopiness I made the decision to eat it today for breakfast/lunch. And as we all know eating chocolate cake for your first meal isn't a good idea, I did the eventual. I threw up. Yaaarrrk.

2. Being depressed makes you watch all the TV shows you've missed:

I'm now up to speed on Nip/Tuck, Atlanta Falcons football, The Flavor of Love, Desperate Housewives, and Project Runway. Ultra happy I don't have to go to bed early, because now I can watch the Project Runway finale on Wednesday night, followed by the new Top Chef.

We're sliding into a television mire, people. If I soon report to you about daytime TV it's time to send me back to the loony bin.

3. Basic Hygienics are Important.

I keep forgetting to shower. Z says he knows I don't feel well when I'm not taking my normal baths. Like, 2 per day. And I've been showering every other day, if I'm lucky.

4. Try Not To Get All Excited About Trips To The Grocery Store.

I know this sounds stupid, but when I'm nesting, I'm depressed. And having altogether too good of a time at the grocery store is a good example of nesting. I know all those people thought I was nuts...buying four economy packs of corn tortillas (more enchiladas! Enchiladas for everybody!) 800 rolls of Charmin...

5. Remember your Medication.

I've been too lazy to drive the 3 miles to the pharmacy and refill my wellbutrin, which may explain my mood....



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Unemployed: Day 3

Hi Kids!

Now that we have the opportunity to savor being unemployed, let's do a rundown about what I've been doing! You can get some inspiration for your future, when you decide to give in, collect disability, move into the fixed-income housing project, and collect food stamps. Just kidding.

1. Continue/Begin Maintaining your Physical Health, Because Nobody Likes a Fatass:

I actually ran with the doggie-from-hell (62 lbs. and 6 months...and counting) for 45 minutes
yesterday. Felt great, and wore me out, which I needed.

2. Begin a Sleep Schedule the Way Your Body's Natural Rythms work, a la Organic Natural Health Food Junkies Lifestyles:

Night before last I took two benadryl and one ambien and fell asleep at 11:00PM, after Nip/Tuck. I woke up yesterday at 1 PM. In the afternoon. Jeez. I don't think normal people sleep 14 hours but it sure felt good.

3. Come up with Multiple Ways to Make $$$. First, Rely on Your Private Resources. Then Hit Up the Public Dole:

So I was a good girl, and worked on my financial well-being yesterday. I harassed the medical insurance people (Have I mentioned how badly United Healthcare sucks? Their customer service representatives are rude and unwilling to think logically. What happened to customers coming first?) to try and get them to send me a fucking "Certificate of Coverage". I need this stupid certificate in order to get my current insurer (Blue Cross / Blue Shield, at least until the end of the month) to accept my pre-existing conditions. Which I need BCBS to do, since I'm almost out of insulin and I have new mental health prescriptions. I can't afford to pay out of pocket for them (probably $250) so I need UHC to help me out. Which they seem unwilling to do. "Well I can put in a request to have the certificate faxed to you, but otherwise it will be mailed...you'll receive it in 10-15 working days..." Fucking Bitches.

I also sucked my pride up and signed the waiver form provided by the firing employer, so that I can get my severance. I agreed not to sue them. Ouch. This is the first time in my life that I've actually wanted to sue somebody (other than the Crittersville hospital for my traumatic experience having a C-section with no pain meds). I mean, I gave up a job of 3 years to come work for these people. A job where my satan boss was an ass, but was pretty good at keeping my high-maintenance self happy. Fuckers. I'm such a freak when it comes to torts, I generally don't believe anybody should be able to wantonly sue anybody they want for "pain and suffering". But Jesus. Talk about hard knocks. I'm a single mom with no child support, for fucks sake.

Oh, and a friend of mine sent me an email a couple of weeks ago listing all of these market-research study companies in Atlanta. She has made $1k in the past month just doing these research studies, answering questions about the detergent she uses and the fast food she buys. I put myself on a few mailing lists...we'll see how the "Guinea-Pig" project goes.

4. Exercise your Creative Self. Don't Neglect Your Need to Express Yourself in Healthy Ways.

I made enchiladas verde yesterday - (yum for the low-fat version!) and I made Z white chocolate-cranberry cookies. And had a good time doing both. Snewo is the modern Betty Crocker, you know. I have mad-cooking skills.

5. Keep an Eye on Your Sobriety - In Times Like This, You really Want a Gallon Bottle of Smirnoff:

So I went to an AA meeting yesterday, and cried for the first time about getting fired. Yick. I'm starting to behave like one of those pathetic individuals screaming out for hugs.

6. Visit Your Physician, Especially About Your Mental Health:

On Tuesday I kept my Psychiatrist Appt, and got new drugs....I'll soon be off antidepressants, people! Which means my sex drive will come back! Whoopee! Anyone ever heard of "Lamictal"? Me neither. But it's a "mood stabilizer", and that's what I'm on. Okey-dokey.

7. Spend Time With Your Children, They Grow Up So Fast:

Although I haven't been able to wake up and send Charlotte off to school since Tuesday, I've been picking her up from school and doing her homework with her. And surprisingly, since I'm so numb emotionally, she isn't driving me nuts. I've actually been listening to her yap, and I'm not particularly bothered.




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And When You Think God Doesn't Have A Sense Of Humor...

ON THE DAY YOU WERE FIRED, YOU READ THIS IN YOUR HOROSCOPE:

From Yahoo! Horoscopes for Aries 9/9/06:

"Quickie:If everything in life were easy, you could never see the great strength you possess."




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My New Rules (Professional Version)

I was fired today. For the first time in my entire life. Wow. It really sucks. I hadn't a clue.

So here are the New Rules. Professional Version.

1. I, Snewo, promise to never work for another attorney, ever again. If said attorney has hereby revoked their J.D. and become a real person, we may talk. But I may be burnt out forever on em.

2. At the first sign that my future supervisor:
- Refuses to accept responsibility for their mistakes, and blame me;
- Makes unreasonable determinations about my "skillset", not taking into account my
actual said "skillset" and/or learning curve;
- Refuses to say anything positive and concentrates solely on the negative;
OR
- Very quickly shows that they are unable to develop any relationship or repore with the
other coworkers.....
I, Snewo, will immediately start looking for another job.

I assume I'll come up with more, but I didn't want to go all ballistic and hay-wired about what I've learned.

Working really sucks, you know it? What happened to making mistakes and not feeling like you have to hide it, or be ashamed of it, or blame someone else? I heard one of my favorite editorialists on NPR this morning, doing his personal perspective on "This I Believe". He talked about how he didn't feel that we should wish for perfection, but instead wish for failure.

Look at what we learn by putting our asses on the line. Taking a chance. Doing it differently for once, just to see what you learn and what you come up with.

If I hadn't have heard Jay Carroll's "This I Believe", I doubt I would feel as sane as I do right now. Don't get me wrong - I want to go home, watch a Nip/Tuck marathon, and drink beer - eat pizza. But I probably won't do that. Drink beer, that is.

Keep reminding me in the future that I promised I would keep it together. Maybe I'm just stunned right now. Not realizing the financial implications. Not realizing what this has done for my mental health.



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Charky's Heroes (See the Batwing?)

Life in Lanaland

Just a few thoughts in the midst of my ambien/melatonin daze....

- I hate my ex-husband.

- I'm tired of worrying.

- I'm ready for an emotional enema.

and that's all from me...I'm dazing off here.




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"I've got spursss....that jingle jangle jingle...."

So Charky's birthday was yesterday, and it went okay. None of the kids invited showed up, except for her favorite stepbrother Nicholas. Poor kid. She didn't seem to mind, she was too busy being adored by all of her adult family that came. Granpa and Grandma, Moosie, Mommy and Z, Daddy and new wife, Uncle Johnny...

Dad even skated around the rink and showed how a 54-year old can move better than any of the tweens out there. He's a trip. All I heard while I was there was how he is some kind of freak of nature, he looks better than most of the 30-year olds around. And he does. Weird. I will spend the rest of my life hoping that genetics were good to me, cuz damn.

On a less light note, my new job is kind of hell and I'm already fishing for others. Lady lawyers suck, people. I may be at the point where I refuse to work for another attorney for the rest of my life. Does law school teach people how to be insecure liars? If so, I need to know. I already got that impression from my last job - which talked me out of law school already, by the way - and now I don't want to see another fucking J.D. as long as I live. Except for my dear lawyer friends, Scott and Anne. They're cool as long as I don't work for them, I'm assuming....

Yeah this particular boss not only blames me for her incredible disorganization and fuck-ups, but has told me that she doesn't think I have the "skillset" to perform ministerial admin Microsoft Word work on her contracts. You've got to be freaking kidding me.

Anyway, the absolute last thing I need right now is to be working for someone who not only doesn't recognize my absolute genius (that's a joke) but is constantly criticizing everything I do. My security kite is already flying kind of low, and my antidepressants are going to run out in about 10 days. I miss my old asshole boss. Isn't that terrible?

So I got an email from this woman who I sent a resume to in July. She has left me voicemail after voicemail, desperate for an interview. The job is research - which I think I'm pretty good at, by the way. And I won't be working for an attorney who feels paralegals bring an "advanced Microsoft Word skillset" to the table. You have got to be freaking kidding me. My experience is in analyzing, researching, and creating contracts, not typing them on a freaking doc like some monkey. No offense to those of you out there who are "Advanced" word users.

So pray for me. In my doomsday HR meeting on Friday I was told that I needed to start blowing them away. Or else.

And I'm freaking out about money - my last job took $900 out of my $1500 paycheck, so now I can't pay my mortgage or my car insurance or my phone bill or my power bill or my water bill 0r my gas or my grocery bill or my cable...........

I'm at the point where I'm either going to :

A) Go on a margarita binge. I'm 2 days away from 90 days sobriety, and damn if it wouldn't feel good to get fucked up. My ex-husband is in town, and I'm contemplating getting more methadone from him because I need it.

B) Freaking out and going back to the loony bin, because I'm starting to feel like that's where I belong.

C) Being unemployed for a while, trying to get on some kind of disability so I can buy insulin and pump supplies and antidepressants, and fixing my shattered mental state.

D) Disappearing for a while. I may drop off the kid and take a hike. I need it. I could do some fall hiking up the Appalachian trail. That would be pretty.

E) Going for a run and hurting myself. The only thing that seems to bring me out of my funks anymore is physical pain or drugs.

F) Hanging in here, being miserable, and being a good Microsoft Word typing monkey.

Amen.






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