Friday, March 31, 2006

Stay Home with the Babies

This morning, on the way to work, I got stuck behind a stopped schoolbus on Hwy 9/Alpharetta Hwy. It stops in front of this heavily Hispanic apartment complex each morning around 7:10 AM, and stops four lanes of traffic. I'm usually early enough so I miss it, but this morning was a different story.

So I'm watching this situation ensue outside of the schoolbus. These parents are standing in line, waiting with their children, ready to put them on the bus and wave "bye-bye". But the line isn't proceeding. In fact, all of the parents and children are turned around, looking at a parent and child further back in the line.

I'm interested. What the hell are these people doing, not getting on the bus? They're slowing my what has already turned out to be hour long commute to work. Those little shits need to get the hell on the bus and get the fuc& out of my way, dammit.

But then, the situation becomes apparent. This poor dad, standing towards the end of the line, is having to drag his little boy(definitely a kindergartner, or a shrunken first-grader) to the bus. The boy keeps plopping his butt down on the grass, and refuses to budge. The dad isn't yelling at the kid - you can tell by his body language that this poor parent is probably bewildered.

Thus the dragging continues for another few minutes or so. The dad picks up the kid at one point, and you can tell his intention is to physically place the little kid on the bus. The kid hurls himself at the ground, and the dragging ensues.

Finally, the other kids begin to get on the bus. I imagine the bus driver was yelling at this point, and I can feel the venom boiling from the other stopped drivers around me. The father and son are now out of sight, hidden by the side of the bus facing the apartment complex.

Then you see the dad, holding his son's hand, walking away from the bus and back towards the apartments. The bus pulls away, and my trip continues.

It was in that instant that I wanted to go home. I was completely prepared to go to work today, even though I feel like absolute doo-hickey. I've been in this weird, cold-bug/time of the month/high blood sugar phase for about a week. My body hurts. I just want sleep.

But I'm trying to hang on to my vacation days so I can have a nice, long vacation next year, post-wedding. So I've been dragging myself into work, despite the fact I really belong home in bed.

When I saw the schoolbus incident, I wondered about that little boy. I worried that he didn't like school, or that some of the kids were mean to him. I worried that he missed his daddy, and really just wanted to hang out with him on this beautiful Friday.

I suddenly wanted to go home and hug my baby. She's growing up so fast, but she's still just a little girl. After a long, stressful day driving to work, working, and driving home, I'm a human shell. I really don't have much to offer emotionally.

And I know she craves connection, because she tells me so. Not in words, mind you, but since she started writing she makes me cards every day after school.

"From Charlotte - To Momey. I love you."

I think I'm one hair short of a little breakdown, so bear with me while we pause for a commercial break.



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Thursday, March 30, 2006

Holllllaaa

Well hullo there. I haven't been near you in a while, and it's nice to see you.

My life has been busy, you see, and I've been trying to take a break.

Simplify, you know. Cut a lot of extracurriculars out, and you'll be suprised how detached you can become.

Don't feel bad. I haven't been near any other page, either. I don't really know what's happening in the news. Other than my email updates from the LA Times Travel and Food sections, I just haven't wanted to keep up.

I'm suffering from information overload, you see. People with photographic memories can only deal with so much visual stimuli. I was beginning to dream about Dick Cheney and K-Fed and Orbitz and my Newsgator feed and the GA schoolteacher/Statutory Rapist...

But I'm okay. I laid off the booze, too. I was really on a run, there, and I wasn't feeling too happy about it. I haven't had alcohol in three days now, and I'm doing okay. I miss being able to veg out and temper my Type A anxiety, but I need to pursue other pursuits with less calories.

Which is why I'm going to start smoking pot again. Did you know that I haven't smoked pot on a daily basis for almost 8 years now?

Perhaps with a little pre-meditation (the zen kind) I can curb the paranoia that ensues when you begin to partake again. I just know that I need a little calm, and a few tokes in the evening may do the trick.

But it is nice to see you again. I'll stop by soon, and you can tell me what has been going on in the webosphere.

And I'll tell you about the quiet place I've been in. No phone, no emails, no websurfing, no news.

Just a little American Idol and the "Mary, Queen of Scots" biography I'm reading.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

More evidence substantiates why I hate Los Angeles

Lived there, so I can rightfully hate the place. I haven't yet discussed the Academy Awards because I'm utterly disgusted. LA is home to morons.

I'm rolling with Annie Proulx- we're going to watch the Independent Spirit awards next year.
Read her commentary of the Oscars, including her disappointment over Brokeback Mountain's loss.

And I will steal her new nickname for Crash - Trash.

"Blood on the Red Carpet"
http://books.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,1727309,00.html


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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

C-Vegas, Crittersville, and "You are kidding me. Where the hell have you brought me?"

So a fellow Crittersvillian found this on MySpace. I avoid MySpace like the plague. It looks like Blogspot for demented teens. But again, like usual, I digress.

Here are my answers to the "Do you know Crittersville test".
Gives you people an idea of the hell I put up with moving here.


1. HAVE YOU EVER CRUISED THE "STRIP"?
Yep. Not a lot, mind you, but I was a chameleon. I had redneck friends too, yo.
Never mind the "Snewo likes to flash cops" incident(s).

2. ON AVERAGE HOW MANY PEOPLE DO KNOW WHEN YOU GO TO WAL-MART?
I'm morally against Walmart, so it doesn't matter, does it? However, Target seems to be the place I get spotted. Other than that, I don't generally run into people I know in Crittersville. Everyone I hate moved away.

3. CLUB 104 OR THE PUB?
Well, I guess the pub. Not that it's my scene or anything, but the last and only time I went to Club 104 I saw four different guys I had bad - ahem - memories of. Not going there again.

4. HAVE YOU EVER LEFT YOUR CAR AT TARGET OVERNIGHT? -
Yep. Other people were always convinced I needn't drive.

5. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DOWN LUCAS ROAD?
Yep. Told ya, I had redneck connections. Ask me about Stiles Road, or the Pet Cemetary in Taylorsville, or the sunken Confederate Cemetary nearby, or "Devil's Graveyard".....

6. LAST SUMMER HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SPEND AT THE LAKE?
I haven't been in Allatoona since I saw the snakes climbing up the houseboat while we were night-fishing.

7. PAL'S OR BLUE SKY?
Neither. They closed down the Pal's gas station so I don't go there anymore. And I have moral objections to car washes. Go ahead, ask me.

8. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE PORCH IS?
Sounds familiar. Isn't that the place off of the River? I've been there...doing naughty things....

9. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW THE CRAZY DANCING GUY ON HWY 41?
Is that the same guy who chased Donnie Bean? I thought he died- I haven't seen him in a long time.

10. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ATE AT THE FOUR-WAY?
With Travis Vaughn and David Shellhorse. We walked from our houses one Saturday morning, around '94. Only time I've been there. It's spooky.

11. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE NICK NAME FOR CARTERSVILLE? -Crittersville

12. HAVE YOU EVER JUMPED THE RAILROAD TRACKS AT CLOVERLEAF? Yep. Learned about "How to jump a train behind Pettit's field off Church St./Mission Rd". John Clayton.

13. DO YOU EVER HANG OUT AT AUTO TRENDS?
What is Auto Trends? Is that the place Sheree West's First Husband worked, and got that shimmery car paint for her Del Sol?

14. HAVE YOU EVER RACED SOMEONE ON BUSH ROAD?
No, on 41 South of Main Street. And yes, my SHO was the Shiznit. I won, like usual.

15. DID YOU THINK IT WAS THE GREATEST THING WHEN WE GOT A ROSS?
No. At the time, I was spoiled on the Ross on the corner of Piedmont and Peachtree in Buckhead. I'd cash my check and go spend half of it there. Those were the days....

16. LOS REYES OR EL NOPAL? -Los Reyes makes me want to move back to California. El Nopal is awesome. I literally fruck out when it was being built in Crittersville- I used to have to drive to Kennesaw to go there. Course, that Mexican place in Calhoun is still the best. It's on GA's Most Haunted List, and the food rocks.

17. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE SQUARE? -Yes. I remember rollerblading the square at midnight with the skater boys. So there.

18. HAVE YOU EVER SQUEALED TIRES LEAVING SCHOOL?
Not personally, I was always the passenger in those vehicles. Usually driven by determined males.

19. CAGLE'S OR STILES' BON FIRE?
Cagle's is for true Cass rednecks, sorry. Never really liked the place or the people. Stiles was my spot. Course, I preferred North Allatoona past "Devil's Graveyard". I owned that Peninsula, people. Mine.

.20. DO YOU STILL GET PUMPED UP WHEN CASS PLAYS CARTERSVILLE?
Yes. I finally quit rooting for Cass and admit that I wish the Canes would win. Purple is sexy.

21. DO YOU THINK THERE IS SOMETHING ABSOULUTLY SEXY ABOUT LIFTED TRUCKS?
Yes, but I'm more into Monster trucks. Or lowered trucks. Or Hydraulics. Or sub-woofers that make testicles tingle.

22. EVER BEEN IN THE CHRISTMAS PARADE?
Hell no. Do you know how cold it is in December? Are you an idiot?

23. KNOW ANYONE THAT WORKS FOR THE CITY/COUNTY?
Yep. Ran into my friend's mom - the deputy - when I was arrested/went to court/ got a pee test. How embarassing is that? Used to know all of the narcos because they wanted my services.

.24. WERE YOU AT DAWSONS ON NEW YEARS? -Dawson who?

25. EVER PLAYED GOLF AT THE COUNTRY CLUB?
No. Broke in around midnight and did bad things on the golf course.

.26. KNOW ANYONE THAT IS CURRENTLY AT THE BARTOW COUNTY JAIL? not currently. The Bartow Blotter has really sucked lately.

27. IS IT TOO TABOO TO WEAR CARHEART JEANS AND A POLO? -
In my Pink Floyd Shirt/Seersucker pant/Gold glitter jellies-wearing couture, any polo shirt is taboo. (Unless it has Charlie Brown stripes and you're trying to make a point). The Carheart jeans are just goofy. Real Country men wear Dickies. They're cheaper and they fit the ass better. And their button fly pops open quick for a piss in the cornrows.

28. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT CARTERSVILLE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Has anyone paintballed "Grab-a-nickle" (Tabernacle) yet when they do their little abortion cross stunt thing? I would do that.

OMIGOD! How can I forget!!! I would blow up Plant Bowen.


And a Snewo Aside:
I'm still a little disturbed that they built the city soccer complex on Fuc# Rd. Do you have any idea how weird it is to take your kindergartner to soccer practice?

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Mediocre Houseworking Skills

I've never been known for keeping a spotless house. In fact, I notice that the cleanliness of my house is directly related to both my relationship status and my mood. But I digress.

Anyway, the reason I can't keep house is because I was raised to expect that I would have a maid. I understand that concept is a bit controversial. It is not in any way an expression of my uppity-ness. I understand my skillset. Why the hell would I delegate tasks to myself that I know I could not accomplish as effectively or efficiently?

An University of Michigan research study confirms my theory. From
"Factoids". Research Alert, Oct 21, 2005 v23 i20 p4(1)

* "Each additional hour spent on housework by women in their 20s and 40s reduces their wages by 0.1% and 0.4%, respectively. [Women] (University of Michigan research, published in Contemporary Economic Policy, Apr. '05; researcher Paula Malone; phone: 734-647-5607)"

So screw you people who try to blemish my pursuit for independent wealth.




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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Don't laugh. It could happen to you.

This morning when I got out of my car, a button popped off of my new silk shirt. I really like this shirt...it feels yummy. Anyway, no biggie. The button was geographically located on the upper part of my abdomen. I just held my purse against it while I traversed up the elevator.

Safety Pin fix and things were just fine. Not perfect, mind you, but at least I didn't have to feel the safety pin. The only time my anal-retentiveness was stimulated was while I traveled past a mirror.

So I sat down at my desk around noon after a boring class this morning, and PING! Another freaking button pops off and zings through the air. This button directly covered the mid portion between my cleavages. So I have this 6 inch gap in my shirt from two missing buttons.

What do I do?
A. Pretend I don't notice, like the nerd whose ink pen has spilled all over his pocket.
Hope people are nice enough to think I'm still smart, and not some cretin.
B. Walk around with a book or a pile of papers covering my front. Look dumb as hell
when I go heat up my veggie burgers in the cafeteria or go to the restroom (which
I do have to do - both - I'm hungry and I've had to pee since the second button
popped off).
C. Go home. Get to my car, strip off this crappy shirt, and put my t-shirt on that I
was going to wear running this afternoon. Enjoy the 70 degree weather.

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