Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Eww... AS$%OLE OF THE MONTH may need to keep his title

I was feeling altogether gracious about my nominee, the poor guy seems to be having a rough time. However, last night he completely reiterated his as@$ole of the month nomination. Here is why.

Mr. MR decided to break into a discussion with me while I was alone, sitting on a lovely marble stool outside, enjoying the trees, sunshine and the warm 75 degree weather. He sits down next to me, definitely inside "the box". Mr MR says, and I am definitely paraphrasing here:

"I just wanted to tell you how incredibly wonderful I think you are. You are the nicest person, and it just radiates around you with this glow. I am so thrilled we met, and I can't wait to work with you in the future.

I was born with one kidney and I am colorblind. I like to think that I was given a kind of extra sense about people, and I know things about them. I see auras, and yours is absolutely radiant. I don't know if this is true or not, but I believe that you had family, very close to you, die when you were very young. They surround you all the time, and wish you nothing but the best. They are guiding your life, and are helping you survive."

Wow. What the hell do you say to that? "Thanks, Mr. MR man, that was a very nice thing to say. (Well, sh&$. I did say that). I think that despite your stubborn soul you have the makings of being a real person, and that you just try to dang hard for people to like you?"

I don't know if this is fake or real, it doesn't really fit with the mental pic I had of the man before. I would say he was hitting on me, because he proceeded to sit next to me for the next three hours, but I dunno.

Honestly, I am not sure what it was about. I think I may come off as pretty touchy feelly sometimes, and I know that a true chameleon might pick that up and try to work it. However, in truth, some of the stuff that runs through my head is absolutely evil and insane ( I know only sane people worry about that, but still...). I sometimes wonder if I put my heart on my sleeve like some victim. Not to say that I have been victimized by people who draw on that, but I do know of a few relationships where the man felt he could be my tutor, mentor, guide or whatever. I am guided well, but on the same token I am often a true rebellious bitch.

Anyway, Mr. MR has been placed on probation for one more week. I will stretch my new AS$%OLE of the month nomination for April until then. Besides, my birthday is pretty close - I need to pick someone worthy.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Methamphetamine: Stories and Letters of the Hidden Costs

Because I feel so strongly about the subject, I thought I would give a link to a site I just found while doing a research project. ( Incidentally, if anyone has a way to organize their favorites that is better than mine, I would love the help. Right now I have, on my drive of the family personal pc, 40 folders with over 250 links. I need help. I save information the way other people save movie stubs).

True stories from meth addicts ( It is no longer a trucker/biker/rural redneck thing. For the past 10 years or so, we are talking about an epidemic that is 20 times worse than crack. You can make the crap yourself with a intro chem course in high school).

Methamphetamine: Stories and Letters of the Hidden Costs
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/meth_letters.htm

Saturday, March 19, 2005


Well? Check out the one on the far left....hmmmm. Posted by Hello

Should I delete his recent promotion to AS$&OLE OF THE MONTH? I feel sorry for him now...

I am now having mixed feelings about my AS@$OLE OF THE MONTH.
Although Mr. Medical Researcher is evil, I almost don't think he knows that his right-wing pushing agenda is evil, and I think he is just like every other jerk out there who is determined that they are right about it all.

Mr. Medical Researcher made a bad mistake, you see. He blah-blah-blah-blah-blahed about the Tuskegee syphilis experiment one night, giving the opinion that because the treatment of syphilis with antibiotics had not been proven to be an effective treatment, that the experiment had been put way out of proportion. He believed that the racist connotations of the whole process were contrived in a way, because those poor scientists just had no clue that penicillin worked...

Ouch. I am with a group of people, listening to Mr.Medical Researcher, that is about 60% Minority (50% of which are African American). I kind of questioned Mr.MR about the whole thing. For example, if the physicians involved with the experiment had an inkling in their brain that treatment using antibiotics was effective, didn't that violate the hippocratic oath? Isn't the question here about their dismissal of all medical ethics they were taught?

Mr.MR blew me off - I hate it when people argue and won't listen to your point, they are too busy constructing their argument - and continued to blah-blah-blah...

Unfortunately, a friend of mine is growing more angry by the minute about this thing. As my friend put it, it is a disservice to spread an opinion based on politics, and ignoring evidence. This disservice is 30X worse when your audience is a group of people of that race - a group of people whose history within the US is now being misconstrued...

My friend is militant, I will give you that. I understand where he is coming from sometimes, I admit it. However he has developed opinions based on his experience (and the speakers he listens to who have mastered the art of idolatry and influence) that are a little, well, off. My poor friend fed me some militant crap on the phone, and I got so pissed off he was apologizing minutes later....it is such a hypocritical flaw to be fighting social iniquities when you yourself are biased by the same social iniquity. ( The social iniquity I speak of being rascism).

Anyway, my friend wants to call up Mr.MR on the whole thing. Mr.MR, being a professional researcher, is better equipped to develop his opinions. Because he is better equipped, he can now push his political agendas. However, he just emotionally struck someone with enough fire and anger that I believe my friend could have the potential to develop a pretty air-tight argument. However, I know that my friend will either

A. Do adequate research to prove his case; or
B. Start by proving his case, and then lose it when he is not heard, or cannot demonstrate his point effectively....

So I have a little fear in my heart. Did I mention that my friend is under the constant influence of a pretty powerful stimulant? I foresee a lot of yelling and the potential for violence. Unfortunately, I believe I have to be present when this occurs.

I don't want to be sucked in as the voice of reason....I am not interested in fighting this fight. At a certain point, I just don't care when someone starts throwing their personal politics into an issue. The issue automatically will lose any reason... that bias miscontrues any attempt to discover truth. Both Mr.MR and my friend are guilty of that.

Anyway, I might rethink my designation of AS$&OLE OF THE MONTH. I think I might end up feeling pity for Mr.MR. Once I pity the guy, I don't know that I can dislike him so intensely.


If you tickle some cute toes, you will feel better.... Posted by Hello

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


This lovely lady is having a delicate organ removed tomorrow, it is apparently filled with a tumor. Think nice thoughts about her. Posted by Hello

I left my heart in San Francisco ( even though the truth is that he is in the kitchen, cooking dinner )

So my wonderful friend, the one who in another life, is the gay father of my love child, called me last weekend from San Jose.

His boyfriend has a pretty awesome job. He works for a kids TV network, and he produces the roadshows. I haven't taken my own daughter to see one of these things yet - I figure she watches enough dang cartoons - but I do think it is a wonderful job. Boyfriend travels around the world doing this stuff - the Middle East, Hong Kong, the Netherlands, all over the US - and gets to spend time with people who actually are pretty happy about doing something positive for kids. You have to admit, some of those shows are great... I discovered morning cable cartoons with my daughter when I was unemployed years ago. You have to watch Oswald sometime.

Anyway, my friend has very, very Southern Baptist parents, who still haven't got over the only-son-is-gay thing. His Mom sends him a lovely Valentines card, and yes, I am pretty sure it was the first time something that thoughtful crossed her head. Within the card is a newspaper clipping from her local Southern Baptist Times, discussing some passage ( I still have no idea which one ) in the Bible that basically says prostitutes, gays and the like are all going to hell.

Now my sweet friend didn't call to talk just about that. He mostly was just filling me in on my need to hear about San Francisco. He went to some of my favorite places there, and I gave him some more hints on others to visit.

But the fact is this: How evil is that? Just stick your hate in an envelope with a stamp, like any other normal person. That was just uncalled for. The Valentine's Day card expressed either her extreme idiocy ("He'll take this better because now he knows I love him") or her extreme idiocy (" I found this clipping, I had set it on my desk, but I forgot to send it to him. Let's just shove it in this nice card I bought.")

I am not sure she gets my AS$@HOLE OF THE WEEK award, but she is sure working on IMBECILE OF THE WEEK.


"Not an AS$@OLE, Just a Bee-atch" Posted by Hello

Friday, March 11, 2005

I keep meeting these men I just can't stand. For example, I met this man this week who is actually working at a job that I would kill for. He is the biggest as&$%le of my month. I think we will start something new around here. Instead of employee of the month, Anywhere But Here is now going to award the As&$ole of the Month award.

This month, the award goes to Mr. Medical Researcher. ( Disaster preparedness/AIDS epidemic/9-11 medical response, etc.) I would so post his 2.5 pg. Curriculum Vitae (which basically states his accomplishments, over, and over, and over.....) but I will get busted and I do need his help for the next 5 weeks.

Mr. Medical Researcher is on the black and white page. If it doesn't fall on the black and white page, then he doesn't

A. Believe it exists;
B. Think you should think it exists;
C. Believe he is willing to accept that anyone with a brain would
possibly think it exists.

Example: Mr. Medical Researcher (Don't give him too much credit. He isn't an M.D.) believes that because no scientific evidence exists that purports the positive effects of herbs, herbs are bad, don't work, and are a scam.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

$$ Woes

Today I asked someone for some help financially, in a concise and professional manner. I admit that I have a real problem asking for help - whether it be money or just good old fashioned favor giving. I guess that is the martyr type in me or something, I don't want to bug anyone. I feel like I need the help. I have nightmares about money and my debt (which, when you put it in perspective, really isn't that awful) and I apparently cry in my sleep. I am an anxious bi$%&, that is for sure. The worst part is, I received mail the other day from my health insurance provider. They received a "claim" - my daughter going to the pediatrician for antibiotics - and for some reason, for the first time in over 18 months, they flagged it. They sent me this questionnaire that I have to answer within the next 45 days or her coverage will be dropped.

Basically, they want me to admit that her coverage is under the legal responsibility of someone else. That is the power of checking the box for "divorced" on your paperwork ( and, I have to humbly admit that I checked that "divorced" box out of pride. I was married. I didn't have her out of wedlock. I totally believe my place in the world might be better if I had). If she is court ordered to have her medical covered, they can drop her altogether. I just won't lie - I am absolutely terrified of any karma effects of my lying. On the other hand, I am so absolutely terrified of the implications if I do answer, "Yes, a court order is in effect that requires coverage from her father. No, he has never provided coverage, never will provide coverage, and is incapable of providing coverage."

I can't sue him for it, there isn't a point in trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. I am lucky enough that he pays me as often as he does ( 2x per year, max). I know that there is no point in sending him to jail, he would never, ever help me again.

So anyway, today I was accused of begging, and was told to "find a sugar daddy". I am feeling a little ballsy right now, because I am so angry and upset about the whole thing. I have four or five hours of work to do before bed, and I honestly just feel like curling up on the fetal position on my couch.

Not that I ever considered my ex-husband my sugar daddy while we were married, but he sure did. He always felt that I shouldn't work or etc., but yet would hold it against me that I stayed home. I never had the opportunity to go back to school during our marriage. I think that mostly had to do with the fact that I told him, during a fight about me wanting to work, that I was the more intelligent one in the pair, and my earning potential was vastly greater than his would ever be. He didn't like that very much. I admit I have a bit of a nasty mouth on me when I am provoked, but it was true, and he did deserve to hear the truth for being so darn evil.

All the Sugar Daddies I kept in play were prior to my marriage, and I never really saw them that way. I always felt superior because I never used sex as a weapon in the equation. It was more that men liked having me around as arm candy. As a young woman, who wouldn't adore the perks of that, when everyone else your age is having to fiddle around with broke "boys" (the under 30 set). Of course, that really only lasts so long before they want a piece. So then you gracefully explain that you are only a friend.

Anyway, I am feeling a bit ballsy right now because I am so angry and upset. I figured I would publish a speech I wrote below. I am pretty embarassed about it, I cried while giving it, but it is absolutely true. Cross my heart. I hope it explains why I will never, ever choose a man for money, or ride through this life with a man that does not love me.

Okay, after checking everything I own, I realize that I deleted the thing because it embarassed me so badly. Oh well. Sorry if I disappointed.

Good wishes to you all. Blessed Be.