Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Rainbow Party

Ewww, ewww, ewww. Have you read the NY Times today? Check out "Are these parties for real?" at http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/30/fashion/thursdaystyles/30rainbow.html. Some 40 something author whose wife left him for a woman 8 years back has written his teen lust story. ( That description of the author is a farce, by the way. That is just what I am mentally picturing about an author who would foray into such pseudo-porn packaged as a white collar expose.)

Read the article. See what middle aged men with nothing better to do fantasize about. Be repulsed. Look strangely at men all day long.

By the way, you have to find it equally repulsive that the target demographic for this trash is your innocent, blow job giving teen. The last thing we need to be teaching this foolish Gen Y - the generation that has been so scared out of sex that they readily admit that they all engage in oral sex, but are still virgins - is how to turn oral sex into an orgy.

The author was formerly the pusher of such printed trash as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once More With Feeling Scriptbook", "Angel: The Casefiles", and "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Official Episode Guide".

Do any of you remember the newspaper journalist from Thomas Harris' Red Dragon, Freddie Lounds? Does this Paul Ruditis seem like the counterpart of this character? How come I can't find a picture of the acclaimed author on Google Images?

However, I was fortunate enough to locate an interview with the "author", by a member of the Buffy fan club or something similar. Love the quotes.

http://www.thecharmedones.com/paulruditis.htm

" I'm always intrigued when writers talk about the 'process' of writing. I really don't give it that much thought..."This is coming from the guy who lives in Burbank and readily admits to sitting around all day, watching crappy TV, and writing derivative books based on his fantasies of TV land. Someone get this man a hobby or a makeover or something.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

DESTIN SHARK ATTACKS

I admit that I am a shark junkie. The addiction began in the midst of my childhood, when I frequented the Pacific. My brother and my dad taught me to surf (when I was still a lanky weed and didn't have any hips) and they had problems with me in the water... I won't get out. Even now, when I go to the beach, I am internally resentful when someone makes me get out of the water.

Anyway, on one of my surfing expeditions at Pacifica (near San Francisco) I am pretty positive I spotted a Great White. It was close to dusk, and as we were paddling we saw an inignormous fin pass by, above the waterline, about 20 feet away. We freaked and paddled back to shore, anxiously glancing around us, below us...

The recent Destin shark attacks have left me a bit breathless. Destin is among my favorite beaches on the Eastern seaboard. The water is gorgeous, the beach is pristine, and you can wade out for a good while before you get to any depth. ( I am not big on going past about an 8 foot depth.) The visibility is usually perfect. Even better, I know from my visits to the Florida Museum of Natural History website, dedicated to the "Worldwide Shark Attack File", that Gulf Shore shark attacks are extremely rare.

See the shark attack map located at
http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/sharks/statistics/GAttack/mapFL.htm
and find out why you don't go in the water anywhere from Jacksonville to Miami.

Of course, I have always had my opinion dismissed. Zee lived in Florida for a good part of his teenage years, and he says that fishing expeditions, both on boat and off pier, cured him of wanting to enter the water. He claims that on busy swimming days in summer, you can see the dark shadows waiting just beyond the breakers.

I also had the pleasure of briefly messing around with a Destin native in the mid '90s. (Let me tell you - some of those Florida natives are amazingly beautiful. Dumb as a brick, but he was a completely perfect accessory for any outfit). He had worked fishing boats in the Gulf during summers, and he swore he knew better than to go in the water.

I thought that it was my personal duty, as a rabid shark geek, to impart some scientific information compiled about shark attacks. Read some of the statistics on this site. I promise they will blow your mind.

http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/sharks/Statistics/statistics.htm

For those of you who are too lazy to follow my links, here is a good list.

AVOID SHARK ATTACKS

( From http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/education/questions/Attack.html#avoid)

Although the relative risk of a shark attack is very small, risks should always be minimized whenever possible in any activity. The chances of having an interaction with a shark can be reduced if one heeds the following advice:
1. Always stay in groups since sharks are more likely to attack a solitary individual.
2. Do not wander too far from shore --- this isolates an individual and additionally places one far away from assistance.
3. Avoid being in the water during darkness or twilight hours when sharks are most active and have a competitive sensory advantage.
4. Do not enter the water if bleeding from an open wound or if menstruating --- a shark's olfactory ability is acute.
5. Wearing shiny jewelry is discouraged because the reflected light resembles the sheen of fish scales.
6. Avoid waters with known effluents or sewage and those being used by sport or commercial fisherman, especially if there are signs of bait fishes or feeding activity. Diving seabirds are good indicators of such action.
7. Sightings of porpoises do not indicate the absence of sharks --- both often eat the same food items.
8. Use extra caution when waters are murky and avoid uneven tanning and bright colored clothing --- sharks see contrast particularly well.
9. Refrain from excess splashing and do not allow pets in the water because of their erratic movements.
10. Exercise caution when occupying the area between sandbars or near steep dropoffs --- these are favorite hangouts for sharks.
11. Do not enter the water if sharks are known to be present and evacuate the water if sharks are seen while there. And, of course, do not harass a shark if you see one!

Sunday, June 26, 2005


Beware of the GA smoking ban Posted by Hello

Issue with the Georgia Smoking Ban

Georgia recently passed a smoking ban - no smoking in public anything. The only place that opens itself up legally for smokers now is a private smokers club.

Personally, I think this is kind of great. I hate smoking indoors. It hangs in this haze around the ceiling, makes your hair smell gross, and makes my eyes water.

However, zee and I were discussing some of the downfalls of this ban this morning, arguments that I hadn't really thought of.

First, everyone knows that smoking in bars is kind of necessary - a lot of smokers only smoke while drinking. So obviously a ban on smoking in public places restricts this bar smoking demographic. That's a bit of a problem.

What I didn't think about was the effect on concerts or other music venues. Zee and I wanted to go to this hard rock/metal concert in August. ( System of the Down - we like the lyrics - "Why'd you leave the ketchup on the table"!!!!!!!!!) We realized in this post Gen X age, where everyone at concerts is now tripping on X, this non-smoking ban causes a lot of problems.

You see, the only tickets I could find were seemingly the best tickets - right up front. However, in this day of bone-breaking mosh pits, for old fogies such as us, sitting in the front is a bad move. Of course all of the tickets way up high have already been taken by old folks.

Zee pointed out that now, due to the smoking ban, you have a large group of 20-somethings tripping on X, moshing, and dying for a smoke to put away the Ecstasy jitters. Ouch. That sounds really painful. What do you do, dedicate a smoking lounge? Do you put a bunch of frazzled young uns in a small room together to smoke, while they are busy pissing eachother off in their X delirium or while they are anxiously touching eachother? (My first thought of people on X is the movie "Rocky Horror Picture Show" - the song lyrics, "Touch me touch me touch me touuuuuccccchhhh meeeeee....")

What about raves? How does that work? Everyone needs a 15 minute break to stop dancing, get even more dehydrated, and smoke.

How about pot at concerts? The familiar stench of people passing joints will now be a day in the past, unless you attend some Bonaroo fest on some lawn somewhere in the boonies. What do potheads do now, bring brownies to share? "Bite, bite, give, motherfu#$er!"

Anyway, I am altogether pretty happy about the smoking ban. Sending zee and my daughter to Huddle House for breakfast seems altogether more appetizing now, since they won't be shrouded in a nicotine haze.

My issue is with all the venues where non-traditional, anti-establishment activities take place anyway. Those little fu$% heads get their only release from their pack of Camels.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


hee Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 23, 2005


Zee suggested this for attire. I can tell we have a lot of work to do. Gag. Posted by Hello

Wedding 2007

Okay, I can't keep it in any longer. Zee and I found the locale for our wedding. Unfortunately, I can't share it with you. It only has 15 rooms, and they are all booked up for 2006. Therefore, our wedding is planned for 2007. For all of you relevant folks out there, you will be receiving a link to the wedding blog sometime in the next few months.

Have to get you all budgeting, you see. We don't want any gifts, just come to our wedding. I promise it will be like old times. Only the cops won't come. I don't even think this island has cops.

Love you all - we're really excited. Zee says I'm driving him nuts. My crafty friend at work has been bringing me invitation/programs from the past 8 weddings she has been to this year, so we can talk ideas for stationary. Zee and I have been back and forth on my favorite antique jewelry auction site, discussing the benefits of vintage platinum versus antique.

Irish linen dress code. I promise not to bare my breasts.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

"Brain Areas Shut Off During Female Orgasm"

READ THIS: "BRAIN AREAS SHUT OFF DURING FEMALE ORGASM"
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2005/06/20/international/i072118D35.DTL.

I don't know about you, but I realized this about 5 years ago or so. Try having sex with someone you don't like. Trust me, you won't be able to calm down and "let go" (unless it's a grudge fuc&).

Monday, June 20, 2005

Conspiracy theorist

I've been a real shi# about posting. And I do have a good bit to discuss. Forgive me, I'm just going to blog about whats on top of the neural memory....

Was reading an article from Forbes titled,
"Greenberg & Sons: AIG CEO HANK GREENBERG is a tough boss and a tough dad. Two of his sons left his company in anger. If only the story had ended there." (Features) Devin Leonard.

(Find your own damn link to it. I had to use a subscription service.)

Nice article. Discusses the inner workings of the Greenberg family - ie., the CEOs of the three powerful companies currently being torched by NY Attorney General Eliot Spitzer. Discovered that Evan Greenberg (an absolute hottie, by the way...He kind of resembles this boy I kissed in 3rd grade.) was not only a high school graduate hippie, but that he seems a little, well, thick. THAT IS EVEN CUTER. Moderately intelligent men are yummy to fool with.

So anyway, back on subject. I apologize. The article mentions in passing the link between former AIG CEO Hank Greenberg and the CIA. So I google that for info.

I end up finding the research behind Fahrenheit 911. I actually haven't seen that flick. I have a problem with Michael Moore, you see. He has a bit of an inflammatory personality, and I worry that he discredits the liberal left because he is so hard to like. Beyond that, the news segments exposing his cannabilistic journalism tendencies was a bit hard to swallow. Not that he doesn't deserve credit for garnering such incredible media exposure to the issue, but he does in many ways fail to credit the origins of all of his conspiracy information.

That being said, here is the best internet site I have found thus far, discussing the links between the CIA, 9/11, the Bush family, Osama Bin Laden, Manuel Noriega, Cocaine, dead bodies in Texas.....

Read on and have fun. Schwarzenegger for Prez.

http://www.hereinreality.com/conspiracy/

Monday, June 13, 2005


A nice pic to go with my geek anecdote. Available on velvet at your local gamer's store. Posted by Hello

If you don't have a geek lover, I feel sorry for you.

Uh Oh. I'm in it now. Whilst avoiding my math, I decided to surf and see what is going on. In actuality, I have been on a wedding kick today, and spent a good deal of time hunting for an island to marry upon.

I discovered blogdigger's find tool for local blogs, and funnily enough, they have zilch for Atlanta, and 13 hits for itty bitty Crittersville, Georgia. Who would have thunk it.

This one gentlemen's blog is written 19 miles from home. And today, I am committing the ultimate faux pas - I am stealing blog content.

I mean, if Pale Blue Dot (http://paleblue.us/archives/001091.html) can solely write about what others write, then so can I. And dammit, being that he is only 19 miles from me, I have just as much, if not more, rights to write. Think about it. Nothing ever happens in Crittersville.

( Oh. Whoops. Please excuse that last comment. Syndicated editorialist/humorist Leonard Pitts, Jr., discovered that the co-editor of the Cartersville Daily Tribune News had been plagiarizing his column for almost a year. http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/11801765.htm. )

So Pale Blue Dot discovered a great New York Daily News article entitled, "Nerds make better lovers". (http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/317296p-271224c.html) Dammit, I have a vested interest in the subject. I declare mutiny on Pale Blue Dot.

You see, I once made the mistake of trying to deny my current lover's nerddom to a friend. When I realized that my companion couldn't stop laughing, I realized that he may have had a point. Zee is a nerd, and his feelings are not necessarily hurt by that. He knows that he doesn't fall solely into the geek category.

A bit of chameleon is zee. He has a wide and varied set of friends, a lot like my own. One is a pseudo rock star, who can't put down the straw and the Tina long enough to write original music. One is a goth man, who refuses to listen to a band that is not solely wearing black. Another friend is a mini, buffed out version of Tobey Maguire. A true ladies man, that one. Pseudo-Tobey casts out his desire to please women like bad aftershave. It can be funny to wait at his house on a friday night, and watch the women come by in 45 minute bursts.

But zee does have several geek traits. The man has been to "Dragon Con". More than once. The guy actively pursues role playing games - both on the computer and around a cardboard table every Sunday evening. I bought him the Director's Cut of Bruce Campbell's Army of Darkness. He has boxes of comic books and Magic cards in the closet. He admits to a ten year ( or more ) mullet.

Zee and his friends go to Vegas about once a year. Do you know where they stay, year after year? You got it, Excalibur. He has those goofy, gem colored, metallic chalises from the hotel lined up on his computer desk. Contained within are his gaming dice. When the Star Trek exhibit opened up there a few years back, boy, were the emails flying around.

In truth, I would laugh and decry zee's geekdom, but I have discovered my own inner geekiness again. With that, I discovered I really like zee's nerdiness.

When my dad taught me to play Dungeons and Dragons in fourth grade, it was because he said that "boys are so much cooler than girls". In truth, he is absolutely correct. Boys are a lot more fun.

I was called a nerd until I moved to Georgia. I guess anyone who falls back on "The Three Musketeers" ( The long version. No abridged crap in this house ) in times of stress is a bit eccentric. Somehow, here, I could have my nose in a book while exploring adult pleasures, and no one noticed. Considered a bit of a bad girl. Quite funny what you get pegged for when you are multitasking.

Zee and I share a love for sci-fi and fantasy movies, and I do my share of scheming prior to his DM'ing on sunday nights. Somehow, it is so much more fun now to be the innocent bystander, and watch the sparks fly.

I started reading again after my daughter was born. After all the intoxicants had finally left, it did take awhile to get me at a place where I could concentrate. However, I am back to my old tricks. I read before bed every night. I visit my favorite thrift store on a weekly basis, and pick up a dozen novels to last me.

On the weekend, I readily admit that I parade around like some eclectic hippie. I rarely wear a bra, my hair is usually in braids ( I taught zee to part my hair correctly) and I am wearing some goofy looking skirt, or old man golf pants ( I like pastel plaids).

I guess I am a bit of a geek, to go with my nerd partner.

In the long run, I found enough really amazing traits between us that it doesn't matter what we could be typecast as. Who would' ve thought I would end up with a man who likes soccer as much as I do? Or Boxing? Or really shit&y '70s porn? Who would've thought I would have found a man who likes collecting rocks and gems the way I do? Collecting boxes? Neverending episodes in the bedroom?

My dad always lamented that he was a geek, and that geek men are more thoughtful, more intelligent, and are less testosterone driven. I believe that is true. I don't know of another partner who I could break it down with as readily as I do with zee... as if we were lesbians drinking pitchers in Decatur.

Love your geek. They are definitely worthy. If I have learned one important, invaluable characteristic of nerd men, it is this:

YAY FOR GEEKS EVERYWHERE!

(If you buy me an engagement ring with dragons or celtic weaving or castles or unicorns, zee, I will knock you senseless. Zen, simple and platinum.)

Ewww

From The New York Times, June 13, 2005.

"This is the worst thing to come along in a long time. At this point, I'm digging for roots. That's how I make my living."DR. DANIEL D. ROBERTS, on his growing workload at 10 Tennessee jails where a third of the prisoners appear to have teeth ravaged by methamphetamine.



You know what is really gross? The 10 year old working at my local gas station alongside her grizzled, whisky-voiced, 25 year old mother. This second grader has totally defined why they call it a "toofbrush".

Thursday, June 09, 2005


London is falling Posted by Hello

The parody of Tom

I don't mean to be a parody of the rest of the celebrity gawking blogs out there. I was actually just meandering through the world wide web when I caught the pic above.

I have shown restraint. I have not started preaching about the fabulous PR machine that is Thomas Cruise Mapother, nor have I started spouting off my beliefs about the holy cult of Scientology.

THIS PIC REALLY, REALLY FUC&ED ME UP.

So here I am, feeling like an absolute idiot because I actually am dedicating time to this, when I should be seducing my boyfriend. ( Hey, I figure, if you have no time in the evening to exercise, you can at least have fun trying to break a sweat while having sex. As if we were really burning calories....)

Tom Cruise is behaving like an imbecile. What movie is he worried about failing? Why doesn't his normal PR junket work for this assumed bit of Hollywood trash? Who is his publicist? Who is Tom's manager?

Richard Gere needs to fly back from North India (My uncle is in Alaska salmon fishing. He will have to find another pilot), kidnap Tom, and take him for a reckoning before the Dalai Lama. Tom, tom, tom. This little girl looks absolutely clueless. She doesn't have any distinguishing star quality that will save her career, post-relationship, a la Nicole. Stop calling her your "little astral star beam" and go find a nice butch leather man. (Facial hair desired...I am thinking Freddie Mercury would suit Tommy just fine). After your groove has been gotten, I recommend some facial hair, a new passion ( watercolor painting? Sculpting?) that you can do in a Harper's Bazaar photo spread. Show off some new modernist digs on the coast of Vermont. Get some charismatic facial lines. After an appropriate period of eccentricity, you can marry some brilliant daughter, a la Daniel Day Lewis, and make a few more incredibly artsy, well appreciated flicks.

Katie, go back to giving sultry looks, and pull a Renee Zellweger. Star in a movie highlighting your lovely alto. Deep throatedly murmur lines at some unknown hunk. ( How is Clive Owen's schedule? How hot would that be?) If you can, sing a nice candlelit tune on top of a piano wearing nothing but the shadows. Get your hair cropped to your ears, and add some nice caramel coloring. ( You will need a tan for this) Spiral curl it into sexy tendrils. Bee sting your lips raspberry. At a significant moment in the film, drop a luscious tear down that cheek - let's see em' puff up a bit.

Anyway, you two are fools. We need to fix this bad. America, it is time to speak up.


www.marryaddison.com.... Zee won't marry me until his best friend is wed. Very smart, very diligent, incredibly doting, and loaded. Owns 2 homes and a Cessna. Gamer. Applicants are welcome to dress as Princess Leia. Posted by Hello


www.savemouse.com Posted by Hello

www.savetoby.com

My lovely hippie girlfriend from Marietta, Georgia sent me the following link:

www.savetoby.com.

Please go there. This dude is ingenious. I am so jealous. I totally feel, well, violated. That idea should have been mine.

So if anyone wants to give me a domain name, I am requesting

www.savemouse.com.

You can find out how to save my whiny, needy gay cat named Mouse. He won't stop drinking out of the toilet, he refuses to use the litter box if is has even a speck of filth in there.

Mousie steals hairbands and Charky's socks, and hides them underneath the oven.

Unless you all send me $50K within the next 120 days, I will sell Mousie to my local suspicious restaurant (located next to the Animal Clinic - remind me to post a pic. Actually not located where I live, but on Hwy 20 near Cumming, Georgia. Truly funny to see the BBQ sign next to the Pet Vet).

Toby is cute, but Mousie is way cuter...and he can fetch.

Save Mouse.

ARNOLD IS DA MAN

As a fellow cigar aficionado, I found Arnold's recent comment truly heartening. I can't even smoke my cigars in Atlanta bars anymore. (Will stay in the boonies if that is where I can smoke and drink).

From the recent ACIC (Association of California Insurance Companies) report:


QUOTE
The Democrat-controlled Legislature and Republican Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger are currently
locked in political combat over a number of key policy issues. But the fight took a new turn this
week when the Assembly voted 41-32 to dismantle – for health and appearance reasons – the
governor’s smoking tent. Soon after taking office, he had the tent erected in the courtyard outside his Capitol office to conduct negotiations and smoke cigars. This is what Gov. Schwarzenegger had to say about the latest legislative tent move:

“As long as I’m at the Capitol, I will be smoking my stogies down there, and I will be having people down there smoking stogies. This is my negotiation tent, and no one is going to take that away. Just remember one thing: They can be passing all the bills they want. There’s one person who has to sign it. That’s me.”

Arnold, I so want to be your intern when you are sitting in the oval office. Send me a shoutout. I can type, file, and research. I'm 1/8 German. I find your aging muscles sexy. We once had original copies of Muscle & Fitness with you on the covers - right after you won Mr. Universe. I would so bow down and submit to your massive ego. Lemme know what you think.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Okay, I don't have long to update, I am on my way out again. Our flight back to hell from heaven was delayed three hours. I got home at 1 AM, packed again til 2:30, back to work and off on a goofy business trip.

I figure I'll quickly go over some of the finer points from last weekend, and finish with longer explanations later.

1. Grinnell, Iowa, is awesome. I am completely ashamed that I ragged on it.

2. Men, please don't forget your lady friends at your next bachelor party. I organized a nice run to a great stripclub. None of the boys had ever been to one with a girl. By the end of the night, all of them wanted to sit next to me. I later told Zee that I was felt up more that night than on a usual datenight. Go figure.

3. If I had an indoor pool, could I get used to 3 feet of snow from November to May?

4. Doesn't Grinnell need a hippie bar?

5. Who would turn down a monstrous 19th century Victorian on a 2 acre lot for only $150K?

6. I need to post a pic of my new citrine chain. It's really beautiful.

7. Food tastes bad.

8. I lost 15 lbs.

9. I missed my daughter. A lot.

10. People in the midwest drive shit@y American cars.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

ONLINE SHOPPING: DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PRICING FLUCTUATIONS?

From www.resourceshelf.com, my favorite research tool. Great, comprehensive info on everything under the sun.

Online Shopping--United StatesConsumer Issues--United StatesSource: Annenberg Public Policy Center of the University of Pennsylvania (via DocuTicker.com)Just Released, Open to Exploitation: American Shoppers Online and Offline"Sixty-four percent of American adults do not know that it is legal for online stores to charge different people different prices at the same time of day for the same product. This Groundbreaking new study explores this and many other shopping facts that all Americans need to know in order to protect themselves from online and offline exploitation."

SUMMARY:
http://www.annenbergpublicpolicycenter.org/04_info_society/Turow_%20APPC_Press_Release_WEB_FINAL.pdf

DIRECT TO FULL TEXT:
http://www.annenbergpublicpolicycenter.org/04_info_society/Turow_APPC_Report_WEB_FINAL.pdf

SEVENTEEN FACTS AMERICAN SHOPPERS NEED TO KNOW:
http://www.annenbergpublicpolicycenter.org/04_info_society/Seventeen_Facts_WEB_FINAL.pdf