Leonardo Di Caprio, "The Departed", and Phuket/Phi Phi

This is a little jumbled, so forgive me.

1. Friday night, Z came home around 9 PM from work. I had a present - my mom lent me "The Departed". I just had to turn it in to Blockbuster the next day.

Great movie. If you like Scorsese, and gangster flicks in general, it will really do it for you. I thought Jack Nicholson was way campy and kind of crappy, but I did decide that Leonardo DiCraprio can act. I mean, I saw "Gangs of New York" mostly because I love Daniel Day Lewis. He's the intellectual-hot-man. And Leo was ok, even if he does have a bird chest that reminds me of this ultra-hot guy I once dated who wouldn't take his shirt off. Ever. Because his chest had a significant bowl shape indention. People used to make fun of him and say you could eat cereal out of it. But he sure was hot. Last I heard he got back from a modeling stint in Milan.

My point was that Leo's chest got wider, and he did a great job. Go see it.

2. Before we watched "The Departed", Z came into the office, where I was on Britney Spears' Midnight Fantasy website, filling out entries for all my friends to get an audio file of a "midnight fantasy" in Britney's voice. Z said:

"Do you want to go to Hong Kong?"

My nose wrinkled. As some of you may know, Z and I have an absolute parting of the minds when it comes to travel and vacations. I like the beach, preferably with some amazing local food nearby. Z likes man-made wonders, like Vegas. Yuck. I've had enough concrete jungle to last me my entire life. I was practically raised in Los Angeles, and I spent way too much time in Atlanta. Humans and their big buildings just don't do it for me.

Turns out Z's best friend is planning a trip in November to Hong Kong and Singapore. We think he's trying to get a wife. If any of you have some wonder stories about eHarmony, please email me. I'd really love to get him away from a woman who just wants a green card and a man with money. Which he is.

So he invited us. And I said yuck. For the price of airfare there we could go to Hawaii.

Then I remembered my recent Fodors readings about Thailand. During the tsunami of '05, much of the most beautiful beach in the world was shown in South Asia. Apparently european travelers love it there - it's like their version of the Mexican Riviera. But more beautiful.

Leonardo DiCaprio was in a movie several years back called "The Beach", where he ran off to a deserted island in South Asia. It was paradise, and he intended to pull a Robinson Crusoe there.

"The Beach" was filmed in a place called Phi Phi, on the island of Phuket (part of Thailand). And it is one of the most beautiful places on earth.

So I thought, shoot. Let's fly to Hong Kong, get best friend an okay on his bride, and go to Phuket. We can eat bugs and crap there and get an amazing tan and snorkel in crystalline waters.

Anyone know anything about Phuket? And Phi Phi?




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A Letter To My Future Self

One of my favorite bloggers, "A Crow In The Snow" http://www.crowinthesnow.net/blog/ is part of a blogging community called "Community of Bloggers" http://www.pluggedout.com - oddly enough.

I admit that my visit to the Community was a bit capricious. I'm haphazardly keeping an eye on this whole "commercialization of blogs" thing, because it means something to me at work. Hence meaning something to me monetarily, which, oddly enough, is really one of my passions at the moment. Who knew that someone like me - the "Defensively American Poor" - is interested in the almighty dolla.

But I found this link in the Community detailing suggestions for Memes. I like memes a lot. In my current proud zealotry of blogging I said that I would only write about things meaningful. That's really narcissistic, isn't it? "But I love memes....", so says my monkey mind. "Memes are easy and fun and remind me a bit of that game we used to play in 5th grade where we listed 4 boys we liked, then the four places we could live, then how many babies we could have...."

Mindless fun. And I'm so tempted right now.

One of the memes was a little deep and difficult, though.

"WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR FUTURE SELF".

Wow. That's hard. What do you say? Do you try and make your current state of affairs seem better than it is? Do you try and make the you of now a significant creature? Aren't we all stuck in this place of insecurity, wishing we were doing more fun things, enjoying the journey more and blah blah blah?

Well yes. I dare any one of you to say

"Absolutely not. I'm in the best place of my entire life and I couldn't ask for more."

I'm not being pessimistic. I just don't know anyone that content. If I can find someone who will say that to me I'll probably pull a nut-job like my godmother did and start following that happy content person around the world, the way she did with the Maharishi.

So that is my homework project for the next few weeks. Try and write a letter to my future self, and describe my life the way it is. That seems awfully revealing, doesn't it? Yick. I hate feeling vulnerable. Aaargh. This sounds way yucky as each minute passes.

It's a date. See Snewo's "Letter To My Future Self" in an upcoming post.




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I apologize. I'm Not Politically Correct.

My soon-to-be stepdaughter made me a soon-to-be stepgrandma last week. I may or may not have mentioned that my stepdaughter looks like a grown up, slutty Annie. The baby daddy looks like Wesley Snipes, but skinnier.

I'm mixed race myself, but according to my friends, "You can't tell unless you see your Mom". I know my skin is funny colored - more yellowish than peach - and my hair is delightfully curly. It frizzes up into some kind of mutated hairball in humidity. Oh, and I'm hairless, too, on my body. I'm one of these blessed people who doesn't have to shave her legs but quarterly. I figure that's because of my darker-skinned (espresso and cafe au lait) forebears.

Anyway, my stepdaughter's best friend also had a daughter three weeks ago, so they are like two peas in a pod. Both sitting around, nursing two newborns, and taking care of eachother and their babies like "It Takes A Village To Raise A Child". Best friend is also mixed, and has a skin color that resembles 2/3 coffee mixed with 1/3 milk.

Their babies are pink. Big, huge brown eyes that look like oil pools. Gorgeous. But they are pink.

And it's a little weird. Best friend made the comment, "Her baby is whiter than mine". Because it is a little weird. I mean, maybe everybody grows into their skin color. My daughter was fuschia for the first week or so, then jaundiced. But pink? Like, Macaulay Culkin pink?

If someone can help us out here, please do. There isn't anything worse than not knowing what to say in moments like "Look at how beautiful her skin is, it's _______________". I hate to say "White". That's awful. I yelled at Charky just a month ago about how I don't check that little "White" box because it isn't right. We're not. We're proudly of mixed racial heritage, thanks, much unlike my own parents and grandparents are and were. Proud, I mean.

I did say, "Look at how beautiful her skin is, it's pink". And I automatically got a whole lot of swivvelled heads turned and looking at me. Was that wrong? Baby skin is beautiful, and my grandbaby's skin is creamy, with little pink tones under the nose, and eyes, and mouth. I felt like I was given a funny look for calling her pink, and I'm not sure if it's because calling someone pink is innappropriate? Kind of like calling someone "black" or "white" is just as unfair?

Is it wrong to wonder if her skin will change color as she grows older? Her daddy looks almost persian, with really strong, lean facial features. Will she look Indian or Pakistani? Back in the day my peoples came from India, so I know what that looks like in pink people. Will she look like that?

I suppose it's a bit like contemplating all newborns. We try to say "She has her dad's ears" or "Those are her mom's feet". But really, we don't know what the fuc& we're talking about. We all try to catch a glimpse of that baby face, and determine what the baby will look like at 1, at 2, at 12....

But is it wrong to call her pink? I certainly thought it was wrong to describe her as "whiter" than another baby. Pink?



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Death to Blogs

I have a minute or two before I'm set to read more of "Bridge to Terabithia" with the insane child.

Blogging, RSS Feeds, SEO (Search Engine Optimization), branding, and cross-utilization of all mentioned afore has become my job du jour.

However, I am getting wind of a certain movement. It's in response to the idiots on MySpace. It's in response to everyone out there who figures out that they can have a free blog, and have server space somewhere to host it, and enough friends to keep it alive.

Blogs are goofy. They were made goofy by dumb wanna-debutantes living in NYC who feel that their lives are really interesting to those of us stuck in the burbs. Sorry, Sex and The City fulfilled that need for me, and I don't need anymore, thanks mother.

Blogs are asinine. Reading all of these wanna-be-political opinionistas write about the war, and Bush, and act like they know a goddamned thing about how the US political machine really runs is exhausting and satirical. Everyone's suddenly a expert.

Blogs are sometimes too much. Like photos. I don't need a photo of every gosh darned thing that happens in my life. I remember it just fine. It loses it's specialness if its all there in a million pixels. Same thing with blogs. You don't need to hear how my latest cup of coffee tasted, nor how my most recent spat went. The minutiae of life just isn't that compelling. And there are writers out there who actually make a lot of money writing about the minutiae, and making it compelling. Us amateurs put it on overload and act like it's creative.

Anyway, the idea that blogging will soon become an act of the past distressed me. I enjoy writing sometimes. I keep pondering the idea of putting another blog up anonymously, and writing whatever the hell I want to. So I can contemplate all the things I'm not allowed to say to people I know.

But for pete's sake. I don't even search for other good blog reads anymore. I have two or three I check on, because I like who I met through the text on the page. Somehow, however, reading someone's latest excapade at the Doctor or their comment on Anna Nicole and Britney's head and a pic of what they ate seems like a really bad farce.

I can only imagine what Shakespeare would come up with about bloggers. Or Tim Burton. Or Truman Capote, because somehow I think that he knew how to twist reality around and talk about it and make it seem really insipid.

So me and you just made a pact. I will no longer waste space on the internet like every other fuc&head. I will continue to protest against unabashed internet use, as I believe we are trapped in a box and aren't really living lives anymore.

I already turned my daughter's TV off for good. I can tell we aren't far behind. It's time to turn all the idiot boxes off and come up with something meaningful to talk about. I mean, jeez.

Would Jesus Even Care Enough To Say Something About George Bush?

I think not.




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Get Paid to Surf The Web All Day

I started my dream job on Monday, and I figure I'd give y'all an update.

My boss asked me yesterday, "How do you like it over there?". You see, my job is a little isolating. There are a few people nearby (within 30 ft.) but it's quiet. Other than me talking on the phone, and the random stop-by by other folks, and me stopping to talk to people on my way back from my water-fill-up, I'm alone.

So, "How do you like it over there?"

I wanted to burst out into laughter and ask, "Who else gets paid to surf the web all day?"

It's amazing and great and a whole lot of fun. I locate new products to sell online, and new wholesalers to contact. I talk to other people about the stuff they sell. Yesterday I spoke with this lovely man from Austria about his German-made products, and how they are so much better. We also talked about how Americans are only willing to spend so much money: if something has infinitely higher quality and costs double Americans won't give it a look.

I dig through trade books and analyze our competitors and dig into price points and the MAP bars that wholesalers set. I determine which products are the most sought after, and focus my research on locating the coolest products in that segment.

I feel like I get to do what I've always dreamed about: Being a personal shopper for the masses. For those of you who know my mother, you are well aware of a distinct family trait we share:
We know what to buy and where to find it at the lowest price possible.

When I was a young catering girl in Buckhead, I spent a lot of time at ADAC (Atlanta Decorative Arts Center http://www.adacdesigncenter.com/welcome.html. I was amazed. I felt like a Sultan at a bazaar, picking out things to stick in my palace.

I get to act like a style guru. I decide what is cool and what people will like. If I'm right, we make a lot of money.

Anyway, I'm going to start up a new blog soon for the business. I won't link to it through here, because that blog will be dedicated to consumer outreach. But for those of you who want it, email me for the link. I'll tell you what is new in the "Casual Living" retail market, and what you want to do to your backyard, and what accessories you need.




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I'M A GRANNY!

By the time most of you read this, I'll be the youngest granny on earth. We got the call at 4 AM, and our valentine's day baby is coming very shortly. I'm anxious and excited and pissed because I have a cold and can't go hug my step-daughter right now.

I actually got a little wistful a minute ago while making coffee.
For those of you who don't have kids, I'm sure you can imagine the absolute crazy thrill of having your own. And your first...that's the miracle moment right there.

My best-friend's http://www.transplantedgirl.blogspot.com little sister had her baby not so long ago. Read my post here...
http://anywherebut.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_archive.html

She asked me, beforehand, what it was like. I was really stuck. What do you tell someone about giving birth? The best explanation I have for the feeling is right here:

It's like falling in love for the very first time.

Trite and goofy, I know. But the absolute truth.

Wish me luck, and my step-daughter luck being a 18 year old single momma.

And yes, I intend to be called "Granny Goose".



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Papa Smurf, Gargamel, Azrael and Puppy

Z and I were arguing. He says Gargamel was the bad guy's cat. I said Gargamel was the bad guy and the cat had another name. So just for reference, if you need to know the Smurf characters more in-depth, here is the link for the Smurf characters:

http://www.timelesstrinkets.com/Smurfs/CollectorPages/Characters.html

Now someone just needs to find me the Fraggle Rock song lyrics again.



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Voice Mail From The Devil

These voice mail recordings are becoming more and more weird as time goes by. In the past, the voice mail lady would just ask you if you wanted to:

Press 1: "Send your message now"
Press 2: "Send your message with a priority flag"
Press 3: "Listen to your message"
Press 4: "Re-record your message"

I just called and left a message for a friend, and his voice mail was like way-complex ... the mackdaddy voice messaging system. I wonder if he has such cool answering options because he is an attorney. You know, to avoid people or make them start swearing and then they forget to leave a message.

Press 1 to Send Your Message Now
Press 2 to Send Your Message More Urgently Even Faster Than Now
Press 3 to Listen to Your Message
Press 4 to Attach a Fax To Your Message
Press 5 to Attach a Pager or Cell Phone Number to Your Message
Press 6 to Send a Notification to Your Blackberry When This Person Gets Your Message
Press 7 to Send a Notification to Your Treo When This Person Gets Your Message
Press 8 to Have your Cell Phone Vibrate When This Person Gets Your Message
Press 9 to Have your Personal Assistant's Cell Phone Vibrate When This Person Gets Your
Message
Press 10 to send a big F&CK YOU to This Person So They Know What Your Message Is



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Sprouting Wheat Berries

My best friend http://www.transplantedgirl.blogspot.com is sprouting wheat berries for bread.

"Sprouting Wheat Berries"

I can't tell if that sounds like:

1. A metaphor for an overgrown nest down there.
2. What in vitro clinic workers do.
3. The action we take with some grow lights and only 3 seeds, because Woody Haralson taught us we can go to jail for more than that.
4. The high school band put together by the Dolores O'Riordan wannabes.
5. Anne Geddes' latest work, because apparently she hates babies and would like to sprout them for bread. http://www.thelighthouseonline.com/messages/archives/2003/10/anne_geddes--se.html
6. What asshole 7th grade boys say about the latest erupting set of tits, which they are endlessly obsessing in a kind of sicko way.

And so on.



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Tabernacle Baptist Church Missionaries Killed In Honduras Crash

Yes, in my old age I'm becoming less anti-establishment.

My daughter's 1st grade schoolteacher is the nicest woman in the world. I swear. Her husband is the Pastor of Tabernacle Baptist Church in Cartersville, GA. Since meeting her, my entire perception of Baptists has completely changed.

Two missionaries from Tabernacle were recently killed in a truck wreck in Honduras. 10 other passengers were injured.

Read about the slain missionaries here:

http://www.spcm.org/Journal/spip.php?article6380

I don't know if any of you are agnostic or atheists as I once was, but I've discovered prayer has made me a more content human. I think that is what we all seek for - grace and happiness and a certain sense that everything is alright.

If you can, please pray for the missionaries' families, and the Tabernacle Church family. They are grieving, and I completely understand. I don't have a single problem with us fortunates trying to bring something to those less fortunate. Missionaries should be commended for paying their dues.




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"Better Angels"

By Lesley Gore. This song is amazing....here is the link to listen. http://www.lesleygore.com/lesleygore/



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I GOT MY DREAM JOB! MY BUTT IS WIGGLING!

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Just a Minute of Gratitude

Because I feel guilty for bitching.

1. My elliptical is finally fixed. Yay!

2. My house is well, and I realized that I avoided the flu this year! Yay for cubicle-free living!

3. Even though it broke over the weekend, my stupid crackberry is working. So I can check my voicemails. That's a Yay and really a BOO at the same time.

4. I was able to pay my mortgage this month.

5. I have all my W-2s, and I made 10K less last year since I took 3 months off work (fired). So I'll make more money off the guvment. Yay.

6. My friend Tamara is buying her first house! Yay for single moms everywhere!

7. My parents had a nice time in NYC over the weekend and arrived home safe. And got to go to the American Museum of Natural History, which is my new must-do place since "Night at the Museum". Which was great, by the way. For all of you little kids who really liked going to the museum it's our fulfilled fantasy.

8. My soon-to-be stepdaughter is fixing to bust, making me the youngest step-granny of all time. That's a yay and a BOO, but really, I'm grateful. That it's not me! Hahahaha.

9. I had a way-cool interview on Friday for a job I'd dream of and working in a place I'd like. For three very cool guys who seem like big funny brothers. I'm grateful for getting to go, and hope it will work out.

10. Today I haven't had a drink in 7 months and 2 days. Lately I've really, really wanted to pick up a bottle and take it home, but I've walked on by. In AA they ask newcomers to try moderate drinking, in order to see if they have a problem or not. I have no doubt, after I spend 10 minutes thinking about that bottle I pass in the grocery store, that I would buy it with the intentions of drinking moderately. And then proceed to finish the whole thing. And get irritated because I wasn't drunk yet, and go climb in the truck to head for the nearest gas station. And then buy something absolutely awful but in great quantities.....

But this is a grateful post. And I am grateful to be healthy (somewhat) and sane (even less somewhat) and getting by.



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Just a Minute of Bitching

Snewo-lovers everywhere! Time to rejoice (and bitch) like usual! On Tuesday!

Just real quick, here are my bitches of the moment:

1. That I'm managing to feed my family on $37.50 per week is absolutely freaking ridiculous. And that is without any government assistance of any kind. The fact you can eat and wipe your ass and wash your hair and clean your ears for only $160 per month totally makes me realize what a spender I was. Now if I can just sustain this poverty-budget when I really have money, then I could pay back my debts.

2. My debts really are starting to suck. I went and got a credit report the other day because when you have an "adverse action" taken against you, the FCRA (Fair Credit Reporting Act) allows you a free report. In most states, you can have a free report anyway, but I figure as long as I'm getting screwed because my credit score sucks I should at least know why. Anyway, I know from doing this research project at my old job that under the FCRA, an insurance company can't take an adverse action against you in the case of medical debts. In some cases, showing why you were so poor (divorce, unemployed) will also help. HOWEVER...these standards apparently do not apply to employers. I've already been turned down by a job due to my "credit-worthiness". I'm beginning to believe that it will also effect my candidacy for this new insurance job I'm trying to get.

It's not like I have defrauded anybody. My credit card has been maxed out for over two years, and I've been steadily paying the interest ($150) each month, and a little extra when I can. Now that I'm unemployed, satan credit card company has turned over my $5k account to a debt collector, and it's on my credit report as a collection.

The other miscellaneous items on my credit report are all medical. After my car wreck in 2005, I tried to pay off everybody...the hospital, the EMT, the diagnostic lab, etc. (The car insurer refused to pay). I still apparently have a couple bills out there, mostly in little amounts like $30. It's amazing how they affected my credit-worthiness.

I know I've bitched about my current medical insurer. They're "Blue" and they suck for being my favorite color and being complete bitches at the same time. Anyway, I had to go to the shrink right after I started my job, and "Blue" hadn't sent me my new insurance card. So the stupid shrink has me in collections for a whopping $375, half hour consultation. Which the insurer is refusing to pay. Fuc&ers. And now I'm almost out of crazy meds, and I can't go back to the shrink until the bill is resolved. Asswipes.

So I'm bitching about my credit worthiness. I understand if I were to run up 3 or 4 credit cards and never pay them why I wouldn't be considered financially responsible. If I had declared bankruptcy, I understand. If I hadn't had paid off my two credit cards that my ex-husband ran up (10K) I would understand. Dammit, I pay who I can. Give me a goshdarned job so I can continue to pay who I can. And continue going to school, because apparently I can't get any more student loans either.

3. I missed watching Six Feet Under on Bravo last night because I had to get up early for an interview. Without coffee in the house.

4. I have to take Charky to Brownies tonight and I hate those catty women there and I haven't sold 100 boxes of girl scout cookies like they set the goal for. Bitches. Am I the only parent tired of selling crap for our kids? Charky gets upset because they won't give her prizes and let her participate in stuff because I won't sell crap for her, but dammit they've had 5 separate fundraisers already this year. Fundraise for me, fuc$ers.

5. Can you tell my blood sugars have hit 500 in the past four days?



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